Life's a Beach and then You Dine

McCain Likes Mesquite Bacon Lettuce and Tomato Sandwhich

2008-08-02T20:57:00.002-04:00

Mesquite bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich
MAKES 4 SERVINGS

16 thick-sliced mesquite- smoked bacon strips, about 1 pound

4 (6x4-inch) pieces focaccia, ciabatta or other rustic-type bread about 2 inches thick (cut pieces from large loaf)

8 red-leaf lettuce leaves

2 large tomatoes cut into 16 1/4-inch thick rounds

½ cup mayonnaise

Cook bacon in a large heavy skillet over medium heat until just crisp, about 5 minutes per batch. Transfer to a paper-towel lined plate to drain excess fat. Set aside.

Halve each 6 x 4-inch piece of ciabatta horizontally; lightly toast. Spread about 1 tablespoon mayonnaise on each slice of ciabatta.

Top 4 of the slices of ciabatta with lettuce leaf, then with 4 slices of tomato, 4 slices of bacon and finish with lettuce leaf. Place mayonnaise side of remaining 4 ciabatta slices on top of lettuce. Cut each sandwich in half on the diagonal. Serve immediately.

Obama Likes Sopa Azteca

2008-08-02T20:54:00.001-04:00

Sopa Azteca
MAKES 6 SERVINGS

1 large dried pasilla chile, stemmed, seeded

1 (14.5-ounce) can diced tomatoes, preferably fire-roasted

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 medium white onion, thinly sliced

3 garlic cloves, peeled

8 cups chicken broth

1 large epazote sprig, optional

1 1/4 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into ½-inch cubes

1 avocado, pitted, flesh scooped out, cut into 1/4-inch cubes

1½ cups shredded Mexican melting cheese (Chihuahua, quesadilla or asadero) or Monterey Jack or mild cheddar

4 cups roughly broken tortilla chips

½ cup Mexican crema, sour cream or creme fraiche

1 lime, cut into 6 wedges

Quickly toast the chile by holding it with tongs an inch or two over a gas flame, turning for a few seconds until its aroma is released. Alternatively, toast the chile in a dry pan over medium heat, pressing it flat for a few seconds, then flipping it over and pressing it again.

Break the chile into pieces. Place it in a blender along with the tomatoes and juice; set aside. (A food processor will work, although it won't completely puree the chile.)

Heat the oil in a large heavy pot over medium-high heat. Add the onion and garlic and cook, stirring frequently, until golden, about 7 minutes. Remove pot from the heat. Scoop up the onion and garlic with a slotted spoon, pressing them against the side of the pan to leave behind as much oil as possible; transfer to the blender. Process until smooth.

Return the pot to medium-high heat. When it is quite hot, add the tomato mixture and stir nearly constantly, until thickened to the consistency of tomato paste, about 7 minutes. Add the broth and epazote, if using. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer 15 minutes. Season to taste with salt, about 1 teaspoon.

Just before serving, add the chicken to the simmering broth. Meanwhile, divide the avocado, cheese and tortilla chips among the serving bowls. When the chicken is done, usually about 5 minutes, ladle the soup into the bowls. Garnish with a dollop of crema. Pass the lime separately.

Article From Topolobampo, Chicago Sun times July 22nd 2008

Not Obamas' Presidential Guacamole

2008-08-02T20:43:00.004-04:00

8 avocados
1 Tsp Lime Zest
4 lemons, juiced
7 shallots, chopped fine
1 t. black pepper
1 T. salt
1 jalapeno, seeded and chopped fine
1/2 bunch cilantro, chopped

Halve and pit avocados and scoop out flesh into a bowl. Mash to desired consistency and mix in remaining ingredients. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for about 45 minutes before serving.

Serve with tortilla chips.

This Recipe is from the Laura Bush White House Recipes and has some added ingredients to give it more zing!

Khal Bi Ribs

2008-07-09T11:21:00.001-04:00

Ingredients:

4 lb short ribs
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 tablespoon sugar
1/8 tablespoon pepper
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 tablespoon honey
1/2 teaspoon minced ginger root
1/4 cup minced green onions
1 teaspoon sesame oil

Procedure:
Have butcher cut meat into 1 1/2 to 2-inche pieces. Butterfly ribs by cutting parallel to bone to within 1/4 inch of opposite side; open to lay flat. Score meat on both sides. Combine remaining ingredients. Marinate meat in sauce for 4 hours. Broil 3 inces from unit in electric oven for 3-5 minutes on each side

Salty Chihuahua

2008-07-06T11:48:00.003-04:00

Salty Chihuahua

Ingredients:

2 oz. tequila
grapefruit juice
salt

Tools:

old-fashioned glass

Rim an old-fashioned glass with salt. Fill with ice and pour in 2 oz. vodka. Top with grapefruit juice and stir.

Caribbean Pork Roast

2008-06-25T15:26:00.000-04:00

Ingredients:
1 can (8 ounces) sliced pineapple, undrained
2 tablespoons packed brown sugar
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves
1/8 teaspoon ground red pepper
3 garlic cloves, pressed
1 boneless rolled pork loin roast (about 3 pounds)
1 1/2 pound peeled sweet potatoes
2 medium red onions
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

Directions:

Using 1 quart. Colander, drain pineapple, reserving 1/2 cup juice for marinade.

Combine reserved juice, brown sugar, cumin, cinnamon, thyme and red pepper in 1 3/4 quart. Colander Bowl. Add garlic cloves pressed with Garlic Press.

Place roast and juice mixture in resealable plastic food storage bag.

Refrigerate 4 hours or overnight to marinate.

Preheat oven to 350*F. Using Crinkle Cutter, cut sweet potatoes into 2-inch slices; cut slices into quarters. Cut each onion into 8 wedges and pineapple rings into quarters.

Remove roast from marinade and place in 9" x 13" Baker. Discard marinade.

Place vegetables and pineapple around roast. Sprinkle roast, vegetables and pineapple with salt and black pepper. Cover with Rectangular Lid/Bowl. Bake 1 hour.

Using Oven Mitts, carefully remove Lid/Bowl, lifting away from you. Continue baking 15-30 minutes longer or until Pocket Thermometer registers 155*F for medium. Remove baker from oven and let roast stand 10 minutes before carving.

Cut about two thirds of roast into thin slices using 8" Chef's Knife. Serve immediately with vegetables and pineapple. Wrap and refrigerate remaining roast for up to 4 days

Guacamole Dip

2008-04-23T10:27:00.000-04:00

Servings:
Makes about 1 cup, enough for 1 person

Cooking Time:
10 minutes

Ingredients:

* 2 Avocados (The black "Haas" type), ripe
* 1 Serrano chili, finely minced
* 1/4 teaspoon Kosher salt

Instructions:

* Split the avocados. Remove the pit. Scoop out the flesh.
* Add the chili and salt. Mash.
* Serve immediately.

Guacamole can be used with a large variety of dishes as a sauce, topping, or basic dip. Use your best judgeme

Asparagus and Tomato Salad

2008-04-23T10:26:00.000-04:00

Servings:
4

Cooking Time:
Prep: 5-10 minutes, Cook: 2-3 minutes

Ingredients:

* 1 cup cooked, chopped asparagus
* 1 red ripe tomato, cut into wedges
* 1/2 cup fat free Italian dressing
* 10 jumbo black olives
* 2 oz mozzarella cheese, part skim milk, cut into cubes

Instructions:

* Cook the asparagus to desired tenderness.
* After asparagus is cooked take all ingredients and put together and mix.
* Chill and serve

Saint Patrick's Day Corned Beef

2008-03-06T13:45:00.003-05:00

Serves: 6 Cooking/Prep Time: 225 minutes

Ingredients:

* 1 5 lb. Corned Beef Brisket
* 1 12 oz. bottle of dark beer
* 4 large carrots, halved crosswise
* 2 medium onions, each studded with 3 cloves
* 2 medium celery stalks, halved crosswise
* 3 large leeks, halved lengthwise
* 1 green cabbage (about 3 pounds) cored and cut into 6 wedges
* ¼ cup 1 tbsp chopped fresh parsley, divided
* Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
* ¼ cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
* ¼ cup Dijon-style mustard

Preparation:

1. Place beef in a large Dutch oven. Add beer and enough cold water to cover the beef.
2. Add the carrots, onions and celery. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat.
3. Reduce heat to low; cover and simmer, turning beef every 45 minutes until it is fork tender, 2 ½ to 3 hours.
4. Preheat the oven to 350 °. Transfer the corned beef to a shallow baking pan, fat-side up. Cover with foil and set aside.
5. Using a colander, strain broth from the pot; discard vegetables. Set aside 1 cup of broth.
6. Return the remaining broth to the pot; add leeks, cabbage, ¼ cup of parsley, and salt and pepper to taste. Bring to a boil over high heat.
7. Reduce heat to medium-low; cover and simmer until the vegetables are tender, about 30 minutes. Strain and discard broth; set aside vegetables.
8. In a small bowl, combine the brown sugar and mustard; mix well. Trim any excess fat off of the beef and then spread the glaze over it evenly.
9. Return the beef to the baking pan; pour the reserved broth over the beef. Bake beef for 15 minutes, and then remove from the oven.
10. Using a sharp carving knife cut corned beef crosswise into thin slices.
11. Transfer sliced beef to a large serving platter and surround it with the leeks and cabbage.
12. Just before serving, reheat the reserved broth in a small saucepan over medium-high heat; drizzle 2 tbsp over the beef and then sprinkle it with the remaining parsley.
13. Transfer any remaining broth to a gravy boat and serve immediately with the corned beef.

For a traditional Irish side dish to serve with this, combine mashed potatoes with steamed kale, pepper, and chopped, cooked white onions!

Israeli Salad

2008-03-03T11:35:00.000-05:00

Israeli Salad

2 cucumbers, peeled and cubed
3 medium sized tomatoes, chopped
1 onion
1 bell pepper, chopped
lemon juice
black pepper
salt

Combine all. Season to taste.

This salad may be used as part of the filling for a felafel sandwich.

Falafel "Pita Bread Sandwhich"

2008-02-29T10:22:00.000-05:00

2 cups dried chickpeas (about 1/3 pound)
4 scallions (white and green parts), cleaned and minced
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1/4 cup minced fresh parsley
1 tablespoon fresh mint, coarsely chopped
1 teaspoon minced hot green chili (like jalapeno)
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground coriander
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3 tablespoons warm water
Light olive oil for deep-frying

PREPARATION:
Place dried chickpeas in a bowl and cover with cold water. Soak for at least 12 hours and up to 15 hours. When ready to cook, drain the chickpeas and place them in a food processor. Add scallions, garlic, parsley, mint, chili, salt, cumin, and coriander. Mix baking with the 3 tablespoons warm water and add mixture to food processor. Process until smooth. Transfer mixture into a small bowl, cover, and refrigerate for 30 minutes. Pour the oil to a depth of 2 inches in a heavy saucepan or wok. Heat to 375 degrees F. When falafel mixture is chilled, roll into 16 Ping-Pong-ball-sized balls. Slip a few at a time into the hot oil, making sure they don't stick to the bottom. Cook, turning, for about 6 minutes, or until the balls are a dark, even brown on all sides. Remove with slotted spoon and drain on paper towels. Serve either in sandwiches or as a falafel first course.
Serve with a dolyp of yogurt sauce

Middle Eastern Lamb Rub

2008-02-29T10:19:00.001-05:00

This spice rub is perfect for any lamb recipe.
INGREDIENTS:

* 1 small onion, chopped
* juice small lemon
* 4 cloves garlic, minced
* 1 tablespoon white vinegar
* 1 tablespoon olive oil
* 1 tablespoon salt
* 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
* 1/2 teaspooon cayenne pepper
* 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
* 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
* 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

PREPARATION:
Combine all ingredients and mix together until it forms a paste. Rub this mixture over the surface of the meat making sure to get it evenly distributed. Plan on allowing mixture to sit on the meat for 1 hour before you cook.

Seymour's Conch Salad

2008-02-27T15:01:00.001-05:00

Serve for lunch or in place of any cold soup like gazpacho or as a before dinner salad.

Makes 8-10 servings

1 lb Conch Meat
Chop 1 Large Onion
Chop 1 Large Green Pepper
Chop 2, 8 inch Celery stalks
Peeled and Chop Half Cucumber
Chop 2 Large Tomatoes
2 Ounces Lime Juice
2 Ounces Wine Vinegar
1 Ounce Olive Oil (optional)
One Tablespoon Worcestershire Sauce
Half Teaspoon salt
Quarter Teaspoon pepper
Spice up with of Hot Pepper Sauce to your liking.
A little bit more or less of any ingredient is OK - Amounts are approximate.

Cut up conch into pea size pieces (1/4”) Combine Conch and Onion with all condiments listed. Stir well. If you have time let sit for 3-4 hours before adding the remaining Vegetables and stir again. Keep refrigerated. Conch Salad always tastes better the second day and keeps for 3 to 4.

Hot Crab Dip

2008-02-21T14:31:00.000-05:00

Ingredients:
1 cup (1/2 lb) Crab Meat
8 oz Cream Cheese
1 Tbsp Milk
2 Tbsp finely chopped Onion
1/2 Tbsp Salt
dash of Pepper
1/2 cup slivered Almonds
1/4 cup crumbled Potato Chips

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350F. Blend the cream cheese and milk. Combine this mixture with crab meat, onion, salt and pepper. Mix well and spoon into an oven-proof baking dish. In a separate bowl, mix the slivered almonds and a few crumbled potato chips. Sprinkle this mixture over the top of the cream cheese and crab meat. Bake for 15 minutes. Serve hot in stylish bowl with serving spoon. Serve with raw vegetables, crackers, or spread crab dip on small-loaf rye bread slices.

Shrimp Kisses

2008-02-21T14:30:00.000-05:00

Shrimp Kisses
Ingredients:
1 (8 ounce) package Monterey Jack or Pepper Jack cheese, cut into strips
40 large shrimp - peeled, deveined and butterflied
20 slices bacon, cut in half

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F (220 degrees C).

Place a small piece of cheese into the butterflied opening of each shrimp. Wrap half of a slice of bacon around each one to conceal the cheese, securing with toothpicks. Place on a cookie sheet.

Bake for 10 to 15 minutes in the preheated oven, until bacon is browned.

Culinary Adventures of Seymour Recipe, Part IV Making Money

2008-02-15T13:40:00.005-05:00

Mark Twain once said “Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is damn inconvenient.” Sister Seymour was never ashamed about his oath of poverty, but he was learning really fast that it is damn inconvenient. Poverty in the convent was one thing but out here in the big world it was quite entirely another. Money talks! His last two attempts at sponging met with complete disaster. He has had nothing to eat since leaving Scott’s Land two days ago. The first day he came upon a long line of people that appeared to be moving slowly toward some objective that was far ahead and out of his sight. “What is going on?” he asked one of the people in the line. “We are here for some food” was the reply. Seymour thought about it for a second and inquired “What’s the deal?” The fellow in line had been regarding Seymour with a wary eye not quite sure what to make of him. However, he was more concerned with his place in line than the fact he was talking to a guy in a nun’s habit. The fellow informed the nun “Up front there is a nun...a real one.....that comes every day and passes out food to the less fortunate of us.” “That is a very generous and noble thing to do” Seymour commented. “Who is the nun?” he asked. “We call her...Mother Terrazzo.....and she is the kindest, most caring person on this earth.” Seymour was impressed. The man continued “She is like a saint to us and feeds the poor, starving and homeless without complaint.” Wow, Seymour thought, I fit into all three of those categories so I might rate a hoagie! So Seymour found the end of the line and took up his place. The column moved with agonizingly slow speed. He could hear the growling of stomachs all around him which seemed to only worsen his hunger. As the line proceeded around a bend in the path Sister Seymour could see an old and frail nun handing out what appeared to be apples. He had hoped that maybe the hoagies were at another food station to which he would be directed when they realized that he fit into all three qualifying categories. The person behind him in line nudged Seymour and said with an adoring voice “That is our wonderful Mother Terrazzo.” Mother Terrazzo appeared to be about three feet tall and was very old and frail. Upon closer inspection Seymour could see that Mother Terrazzo was not just three feet tall but rather was stoop shouldered. Probably from carrying all the food. “Some people have all the luck”...Sister Seymour thought to himself. He could also see now that Mother Terrazzo was wearing a blue scapula over a white dress with a white coif and white veil. Sister Seymour mused “Quite stylish......maybe she will give me some shopping tips.”

As Seymour drew closer to Mother Terrazzo he noticed that she was giving him the once over as she handed out the apples. He felt that his was now the appropriate time to give the nun- to- nun recognition signal that he had been taught at the convent of His Undeniable Majestic Presence. So Sister Seymour placed his thumbs in his ears and waggled his fingers at Mother Terrazzo. Mother Terrazzo looked at Seymour through ancient sunken eyes and turned to an associate and whispered what appeared to be instructions as the associate scampered swiftly away. Seymour thought he was able to hear her and believed the associate was instructed to “get the whole hoagie.” Sister Seymour could not believe the good fortune that was about to befall him. He was starving and instead of apples like the others were getting he was going to get a whole hoagie all to himself. Which actually, he decided, was cause for concern. What if the others tried to take from him out of jealousy? He would need protection so he could eat in peace. Security as it were. His thoughts were interrupted when a voice somewhere behind him said “Oh, Oh, something is up.” Seymour turned and asked why they thought something was up and the man pointed and said “Here comes the old fogey with his Dobermans.” Sure enough there was an old man restraining two large, snarling, growling dogs and coming toward Mother Terrazzo. “What’s the problem, Mother?” the old man shouted. “We have a f*@king comedian in the line!” she yelled. “A real sicko....let Fang and Mauler tear him a new a%#hole!” Sister Seymour looked around trying to see who the sicko was and said a silent prayer for his safety as these dogs looked as serious as Sister Moonbeam at certain times during the month. Then Seymour noticed that the line had evaporated and he was standing alone with Mother Terrazzo pointing at him. “Best be getting on, you pervert” the old man was saying. “These dogs ain’t eaten in days and they are mighty hungry!” Seymour was weighing the situation and realized that neither had he eaten in days and.....maybe....just maybe...he could take the dogs. He was fast and not without martial arts skills. Lot of meat on those dogs. The hungry predators eyed each other.....all salivating. The dogs advanced slowly. Seymour prayed for guidance and heard the old man yell “KILL!” Seymour next heard a voice in his inner ear. He was sure it was His Undeniable Majestic Presence providing him with the guidance he had prayed for. The voice instructed: “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE YOU F&%CKING IDIOT!” Seymour hiked up his skirt, put his nun shoes in gear and ran as fast as he could. Faster even than his escape from the convent. He looked over his shoulder to see the saintly Mother Terrazzo holding her hand up but with only the middle finger extended. It must be their nun-to-nun signal thought Seymour. He could also hear Mother Terrazzo screaming “Run you worthless piece of sh#t.......don’t ever come back or I will rip your manhood off and shove it up your a@%.” Sister Seymour could see Mother Terrazzo go back to blessing the people and handing out apples. He had to admit that Mother Terrazzo was a kind and generous nun and a true credit to her vocation.

Sister Seymour’s second disastrous attempt at panhandling came earlier in the day. He had encountered a man and what appeared to be his daughter walking hand in hand on the same road as Seymour. The child looked to be six or seven and was cute as a button. She had blond hair and wore it in pigtails with bright pink ribbons and she was carrying a basket full of freshly cut flowers. It was obvious that they had no food with them but Seymour figured he might be able to beg for some money and buy something to eat at the next town. He approached the father and daughter and said “I am Sister Seymour from the convent of His Undeniable Majestic Presence and haven’t eaten in two days.” They were looking at him and then at each other and then back at him. Seymour continued “I was hoping that you may have some extra money I could have so that I may eat.” “Get a job, Deadbeat” snapped the little girl. “If there ever was extra money I would get it. Right, Daddy?” “Yes, Precious” he replied. As they pushed past Sister Seymour the little girl looked back and stuck her tongue out as the starving nun. The little girl was wise beyond her years Seymour conceded. The painful and undeniable truth that she pointed out was as plain as the zit on Sister Seymour’s nose. He needed a job, but how does one go about getting a job? If he was going to make it outside of the convent, he had better learn really fast how to make money.

As Seymour contemplated his thorny predicament his attention was drawn to a large group of people walking his way. They carried what appeared to be their belongings. Sister Seymour inquired as to what they were doing and one of the travelers announced “We are escaping poverty.” Seymour’s ears perked up upon hearing this and asked “Where are you going then?” “We are going to prosperity” the fellow informed the nun. This was obviously a sign from His Undeniable Majestic Presence. Seymour rationalized that if all these people were going to the same place than the job market would be glutted and the salaries low. However, the place they were leaving would have its work force considerably reduced thereby making jobs better paying and more available. This was brilliant he told himself and with considerable exuberance he jumped straight up and clapped his hands over his head and yelled “Way to go!” Sister Seymour took the path that the other people had taken but in the opposite direction. He was going to where they just left and he was going to make money. With a new lease on life and a confident spring in his step Sister Seymour set off job hunting.

Seymour was humming a Gregorian Chant as he made his way along the path when he encountered another group of folks approaching from the direction he was going. “Escaping poverty?” he asked. “Why yes” was the reply from an attractive young woman. “Going to prosperity?” he asked again. “Yes again” the young woman informed him. She continued “If you were smart you would turn around and come with us.” Sure... Seymour thought to himself. Do I look like I was born yesterday? They don’t want me to find the good jobs they must be leaving. “Thanks for the advice but my path is set and true” he confided confidently. “OK, suit yourself. Poverty is about three miles in the direction you are heading. We are going to Prosperity which is about a day’s journey.” Seymour was perplexed. The young woman made it sound as if poverty and prosperity were places. “I am looking for a job” he stated. The attractive young woman shrugged her shoulders and asked “you’re looking for a job in poverty?” Seymour acknowledged that he was. “Well then you need to see Manuel Dawlers. He is the richest man in Poverty and owns and controls everything...even jobs.” Seymour thanked the young woman for the information and continued on his way to Poverty.

He could tell he was nearing his destination because there were a lot more buildings and houses along the way. Seymour was amazed, however, that all the buildings looked shabby and unkempt and some were even boarded up. He started to question his decision to come to Poverty until he saw a road sign that said “Welcome to Poverty, Population 795.” But the number had been struck through and another number, which had also been struck through and finally the number of 295 now indicated the population. He was elated! He quickly did the math, 795 minus 295 equaled 116. The way he reckoned it there was over 100 job opportunities he could choose from in Poverty. This was going to be like taking candy from a baby......he would be making money in no time at all. Seymour remembered what the young lady had told him about needing to coordinate with Manuel Dawlers before taking employment. How did he find Mr. Dawlers was his next thought. He passed more ramshackle buildings and noticed the streets were virtually vacant. This was good he thought......no traffic means an easier commute to work. Sister Seymour proceeded deeper into the town and saw nothing that would lead him to Mr. Dawlers. A lone figure was walking nearby and Seymour called out “How do I find someone in this town?” He didn’t want to tip his hand that he was job hunting so he didn’t ask directly about Dawlers. The person pointed to a booth of some sort and simply called back “The white pages.” The nun walked to the booth and pulled on the door handle only to see that the door opened in a very odd manner. Like it was collapsing on itself. He was amazed at the technology of the world outside the convent. Once the door was open Sister Seymour stepped inside and immediately noticed that the odor in the booth was very similar to that of his chamber pot. Obviously he had found one of those men’s rooms that McTavish had told him about and just in the nick of time. Sister Seymour relieved himself all the while wondering why they had full length windows in a men’s room. He located a book which had both white and yellow pages and his problem was immediately solved. On the cover of the book was a picture of a portly man with a mustache and slick backed hair with a cigar protruding from his mouth. The caption to the picture read “Need a loan? See Manuel Dawlers for details.” There was an address and a map to that address below the picture. Mr. Dawlers lived at 400 Moola Way and there was also a note with an arrow that said “You are here.” Easy enough, he thought, especially since he excelled in Land Navigation Courses at the convent. He smiled recalling how he never got lost there. Sister Seymour looked in each direction and upon seeing no one he ripped the cover off the white/yellow pages book. Next stop....Mr Dawlers. Yowza!!

Sister Seymour started out in search of Mr. Dawlers’ house with both the photo of him and the map that had the arrow indicating “YOU ARE HERE.” He felt this was good business sense since he may just pass Mr. Dawlers on the street and it might impress him if Seymour recognized him. However, as he followed the map to 400 Moola Way he became concerned that the arrow always indicated that he was in the same place. So where is “YOU ARE HERE?” Seymour fretted. Was he making no progress whatsoever? The scenery changed as he moved along but the arrow never moved. Must be broken he reasoned. Sister Seymour finally arrived at Moola Way and finding 400 was no problem since it was the only house on the street. It was a huge mansion on a hill with lush gardens and many shade trees. The yard was enormous and completely enclosed by a stone wall about fifteen feet high. It made him shudder as it reminded him of the convent he had just escaped from. He admonished himself for thinking negative thoughts at this most important moment of his mission. Looking around the nun spotted a large wrought iron gate with a small pillar just outside along the side of the driveway. Seymour was looking for someone to speak to and help him locate Mr. Dawlers. Then a terrible thought hit him. “What if Mr. Dawlers isn’t at home?” He became a little nervous and desperately searched for anyone that could let him in. He saw some men tending to the lawn but they were too far away to notice Seymour. Then he noticed some writing on the pillar. It was two words “CALL BUTTON.” Sister Seymour thought for a moment then walked to the gate grabbing two rungs and sticking his face partially through two more rungs. “BUTTON, BUTTON!” he screamed at the top of his lungs. “THIS IS SISTER SEYMOUR AND I AM HERE TO SEE MR. DAWLERS.” Nothing happened and Button didn’t show up. He tried again with the same results. Feeling quite dejected he was about to give up when a disembodied voice emanated from the pillar. “May I help you . . . Sister?” The pillar inquired. “Yes and thank you, Button, I am Sister Seymour from the convent of His Undeniable Majestic Presence and I have come to see Mr. Dawlers.” “Mr. Dawdlers does not see men dressed as nuns on Tuesdays so you will have to make an appointment” the pillar advised. “Tomorrow?” Seymour asked with disappointment. “Try in about two weeks” the pillar snarled. “Two weeks” Seymour gasped. “I was told that I had to see Mr. Dawlers if I wanted to make money to survive” he whined. The pillar was silent. “You are here to make money?” it inquired. “Yes and I am very eager to do just that” Sister Seymour confirmed. “One moment” the pillar instructed. “Thank you, Button”the nun said gratefully. After what seemed to be an eternity, the pillar instructed Sister Seymour to go around to the back of the mansion to the servants’ entrance and wait. The gates swung open wide and Seymour passed through gratefully relived. He had gotten his foot in the door just the way Sister Pushy had taught him. Sister Pushy had been a door-to-door vacuum sales person before coming to the convent and had boogoos of experience getting her foot in the door. However she was also very obese, so much so that behind her massive back the other nuns cruelly called her “Pushy Galore.” Seymour wondered if St. Hurley could have been an inspiration to her had he not gotten lost.

The gates stood completely open now. Sister Seymour looked up the long walkway to the mansion and then looked behind him at the squaller of Poverty. He was about to leave a world of no money and enter the world of Manny Dawlers. Seymour patted himself on the back and proceeded through the gates.

Sister Moonbeam sat at her desk in the office of the barracks that were built to house the strike team that would apprehend Sister Seymour. An unanticipated glitch had befallen the team and now Moonbeam was trying to figure out how to fix it. When selecting her team she hadn’t factored Sister Mister’s significant strength into the equation. Mister was winning all the intra squad competitions and this was causing a morale problem for Sisters Ho and Alfie. All around Sister Mister’s bunk area were first place ribbons for sit-ups, push-ups, pull-ups, shot put and javelin throw. She even had the blue ribbons for the 10K run and the pie eating contest. Clearly easy to see why Ho and Alfie were a bit dejected with only having second and third place ribbons to show for all their hard efforts. Sister Ho was particularly down because Sister Mister beat her in a competition that Sister Ho fully expected to win........the pole vault. Moonbeam knew that she had to do something to turn the situation around and restore morale or they could face disaster on their mission. She couldn’t ask Sister Mister to dog it as that would be unfair to her and just cause another problem with morale. Sister Moonbeam could try to smooth it over with Ho and Alfie by pointing out that Mister was more than likely going to have to be the one to take Sister Seymour down when they finally caught up with the fugitive. This probably wasn’t a good idea as it may result in allegations of “teacher’s pet.” No, she needed to change something and do it creatively to get everyone back on track. But what could she change? Then it came to her like a bolt of lightning! The quickest way to improve morale was to change leadership. Sister Moonbeam declared that she would change her name and they would all get a fresh start with a new leader! It was brilliant!! It was clearly the inspiration of His Undeniable Majestic Presence and she gave quiet thanks. She would need a name that inspired confidence and loyalty. A name that would be synonymous with success and victory. A name that people would follow even to the gates of hell. Names like Washington, Alexander the Great, Napoleon. Names that by their very mention sends goose bumps down the spines of friend and foe alike. But she also needed something more contemporary, something the team could relate to. Moonbeam remembered hearing about powerful people with unique names that brought them astounding success in the outside world. Names like Snoop Dog, LL Cool J and Fiddy Cent. These were obviously role models and emulating them was a guarantee of success. But there was one more name she remembered and this person was the epitome of a champion that everyone would look up to and follow. P. Diddy was his name. P. Diddy, P. Diddy she said over and over again. This was a very serious moment as Sister Moonbeam was about to change her name and that name had to be an inspiration to the team and all they dealt with along their way searching for Sister Seymour. What would it be? Finally she asked for guidance and almost immediately the perfect new name was revealed to her. She smiled because it was simplicity personified yet radiated power and glory. Moonbeam would now be known as: “Stinky V”!!

To Be Continued

Strawberry Delight with Angel Food Cake

2008-02-10T12:52:00.000-05:00

1 angel food cake sliced into 3 layers
1 package of strawberry jello
1 small package of frozen strawberries
1 container of cool whip
1 container of fresh strawberries

Slice cake into 3 layers and save container cake came in. Dissolve jello in 1 cup of hot water then add defrosted frozen strawberries. Place in refrigerator until mixture thickens to the consistency of buttermilk then add 1/2 of the cool whip
to the strawberry mixture. Return 1 layer of the cake to the cake container
add some of the strawberry mixture to cover the layer , then repeat with remaining layers and mixture. Cover and refrigerate over night.

Remove from refrigerator and invert onto a decorative cake plate. Coat the entire cake with remaining cool whip and garnish with fresh sliced strawberries. Keep refrigerated until ready to serve.

Steak Diane for your Valentine

2008-02-10T11:58:00.001-05:00

2 filet mignons sliced in half length wise
1 stick of butter
1/4 cup of shallots sliced thin
2 tablespoons garlic minced
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons chopped chives
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
dash of worcestershire
2 tablespoons dijon mustard
1 cup of sliced mushrooms

Slice fillets and pound thin, season with salt and pepper and coat with dijon and pound in.

Melt butter in saute pan until foam begins to subside, add fillets and brown
on both sides on medium high. Lower heat to medium add shallots and mushrooms and cook until mushrooms render their juices, toss in garlic and saute then add lemon juice, chives, red pepper flakes and worcestershire sauce. Keep warm on low heat while making angel hair pasta.

Cook pasta according to directions, drain, toss with a little butter and parmesean cheese, plate and serve with steak diane and sauce.

GEORGE’S SPAGHETTI ALA CARBONARA

2008-02-08T14:58:00.000-05:00

GEORGE’S SPAGHETTI ALA CARBONARA

Ingredients:

6 strips of bacon {cut into 1 inch pieces}

8 thin slices of pancetta (shredded)

1 medium sized yellow onion (sliced thinly}

2/3 cup of sherry

1 stick of butter

1 pound of thin spaghetti

2 eggs

2 tablespoons of red pepper flakes

Copious amount of freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Preparation:

Fry the bacon in a large pot until it render’s its fat and the bacon is slightly crispy. Add the pancetta to the bacon and fat and fry on medium heat until crisp. Remove the bacon and pancetta to a plate. Do not drain on a paper towel! Add the onions to the fat and cook until soft and translucent. Return the bacon and pancetta along with accumulated drippings to the pot with the onions. Pour the sherry into the pot. Cook until the sherry is boiling slightly. Reduce heat to medium low and add butter. Allow it to melt slowly. Prepare spaghetti according to package instructions. When cooked drain the pasta thoroughly. Add pasta to the butter mixture and toss to combine all ingredients. Turn up the heat to medium high and break two eggs over the pasta. Toss the pasta to ensure the eggs are cooked. Add the red pepper flakes and toss the pasta. Serve immediately with a generous helping of Parmesan cheese. Serves four.

"Scott's Land" Seymour Recipe Part III Cont.

2008-02-06T13:17:00.000-05:00

They arrived on the outskirts of Scott’s Land shortly thereafter. It was a small village with a huge structure located directly in the center of the town. It had a familiar appearance to Sister Seymour, but he couldn’t remember where he had seen something similar before. It had to have been at the convent. McTavish took the lead as he was familiar with the streets and Seymour followed taking in all the sights. This was the first village he had ever been in and he could barely contain his excitement. His traveling companion led Seymour to a small establishment that had a sign hanging over the door that read The Rub-a-Pud-Pub. McTavish explained that it was a bar and grille and was owned by a friend of his by the name of McMick. Apparently he was the only Irishman in Scott’s Land.

The Pub was a cozy place with people sitting around eating and drinking as a large fireplace warmed the room. As they entered the patrons stopped what they were doing and stared at Sister Seymour with looks of surprise then astonishment. McTavish acknowledged McMick who was tending the bar and asked the nun “What will you have?” Sister Seymour advised that he had sworn a vow of poverty and consequently had to sponge off others. McTavis offered to pay since Seymour had pulled off the ferry ride. He ordered two shots of whiskey and two beer chasers and took a table. Seymour watched as McTavish knocked back the whiskey and guzzled the beer then finished with wiping his mouth on his sleeve. Sister Seymour did likewise and finished by wiping his mouth on his veil. Seymour felt warm and fuzzy as the alcohol began to take effect. His attention became diverted by a horrendous sound coming from the corner of the pub. As best he could tell there was a man with a bag with pipes sticking out of it and he appeared to be trying to inflate it with air while simultaneously pressing his arm against it. He might succeed if he would move his arm thought Seymour. He also noticed two brutish fellows sitting at the bar and clearly staring at him as they whispered to each other. McTavish said” The McNulty boys.

Troublemakers and bullies

You would do best to stay clear of them.” Seymour nodded that he understood. “So, Sister, where is your convent located?” “Somewhere in that direction I think” “That would be East” McTavish pointed out. “Where are you ordinally from, Sister? “I don’t really know” he confided. “Well where are your parents from then” “No, I don’t know that either” Seymour said a little testily. “I hope I am not troubling you, Sister, it certainly wasn’t my intent.” McTavish said apologetically. “Not to worry, McTavish, we just don’t like questions we don’t know the answers to” Sister Seymour explained. McTavish laughed a little and asked “We? Do you have a mouse in your pocket, Sister?” Seymour looked McTavish in the eye and said “I don’t have a mouse in my pocket but I do have Mr. Potato Head in my panties.” McTavish erupted in boisterous laughter and began pounding on the table unable to control himself. When he was finally able to contain himself, McTavish roared “I hear you, Sister, and I know how it is. I call mine Johnson!” Seymour didn’t quite understand the parallel but decided to drop the subject. McTavish felt a bit embarrassed that he may have caused Sister Seymour some pain for asking about his parents and was glad the subject was allowed to die on the vine. He liked the nun and decided to take the conversation in a new direction. He opened with “Where do you go from here, Sister? Sister Seymour thought about it and said she was just going to have a look around town and then mosey. “Well, I am concerned about you, Sister, being alone and all.” “I will be fine, McTavish, I have His Undeniable Majestic Presence to watch over me.” McTavis became a bit maudlin and again said he was worried that the world was too much for this nun alone and in the wilderness. “I will be fine, Sir” was his reply. The Sister smiled fondly and asked, “McTavish, is there one of those men’s rooms here?” “Aye, Sister just over there. Take the door with the little stick figure in pants.” Seymour looked and could see two doors and the other had a little stick figure clearly wearing a dress. “Do you use the other one?” McTavish looked confused. “What’s your point, Sister?” “The other appears to be for men in short dresses so I thought it was for you and the other fellows in skirts.” “It’s a kilt and not a skirt and no I am not telling you what I wear under it!” “Go do your business and I will order another round.” Sister Seymour smiled and left for the little stick man with the pants. The McNulty boys followed shortly thereafter.

Everyone, including McTavish, saw the bullies follow the nun into the men’s room. McMick also saw it and glanced at McTavish with obvious concern. That the nun was odd was never in doubt, but he had proven himself to be a kind and caring person. Now he was in desperate straights. McTavish, who had finally decided to confront the McNultys, broke a beer bottle across the back of a chair and girded his loins for the fight that would surely ensue. McMick had his baseball bat that he kept behind the bar and moved to join McTavish for the coming fray. The other patrons, fearing retribution from the McNulty boys grabbed their drinks and lined the Pub’s walls staying out of harms way. What happened next seemed to occur in slow motion. They were concerned about the poor nun that just entered the men’s room and were afraid of what the McNulty boys might do to him. They had no way of knowing what was about to happen.

The McNulty boys were about to meet a servant of His Undeniable Majestic Presence and pupil of Sister Kwai Chang Po.

The door to the men’s room seemed to groan a bit before it shattered and splintered. Only the hinges with some shards of boards remained attached. The Pub patrons were not sure if the younger McNulty was thrown though the door or he destroyed it in a desperate attempt to escape some maniac evil. Either way when the boy came flying out the door he was screaming “My eye. My eye” and his face looked like he had been flogged by razor wire. McTavish and McMick fought back the desire to vomit. They totally lost it when the older McNulty boy ran screaming for “Mommy” and fell over the sobbing body of his brother. In an agonizing attempt to find protection the older McNulty crawled to McMick and grabbed is leg shrieking for help. McTavish and McMick looked at the pathetic bully and were equally horrified when they saw the top of McNulty’s head. Entire clumps of hair were ripped out along with major segments of scalp. Blood was every where. McMick shook the bleeding bully off his leg and the McNultys fled into the street. Their agony ringing pleasantly in the ears of all who have suffered through their reign of terror. McTavish and McMick cautiously entered the men’s room to check on Sister Seymour. They found him looking at himself in a full length mirror and he was frowning. “Are you alright, Sister Seymour?” McTavish asked. Seymour nodded and appeared to be deep in thought as he intently studied himself. “This is the first time I have ever seen myself as others see me” he spoke. “Guess I know now why everyone has looked at me with surprise and astonishment since I arrived.” he said as he played with his veil. McMick and McTavish were looking at the floor so Sister Seymour couldn’t see the looks on there faces. They were embarrassed for him.“It’s hard to see oneself like this”, Seymour bemoaned. McNick and McTavish were shaking their heads and feeling very badly for the nun. Seymour noted with some consternation “I’ve never had a zit on my nose before. Good thing I have a veil.” They exited the bathroom together to cheers of “SISTER” “SISTER” SISTER”! The patrons of the pub were giving Sister Seymour a standing “O” for the thrashing he administered on the McNulty boys. “Drinks are on the house”! Shouted McMick.. Everyone crowded around Sister Seymour and slapped him on the back and thanked him profusely. The scene was so joyous that he asked McTavish “Do you think I should bring Mr. Potato Head out to join the celebration. McTavish looked startled and finally said with exuberance “I will if you will!.” But before either Mr. Potato Head or Johnson could make an appearance the pub’s buxom waitress sidled up to Seymour and whispered in his ear “I just love a man in uniform. I get off at eight.” She wandered off handing out the free drinks. Seymour watched her go and was confused. He turned to McTavish who witnessed the incident but before he could say anything McTavish advised. “That’s McEezee, the town slut. Stay away from her or you will get the clap.” “Is that like a high- five”? Sister Seymour inquired. “We are forbidden by the rules of the Order to participate in high-fives”. McTavish studied Seymour for a moment then confirmed that the clap was another form of high-five so he should avoid it. Seymour thanked him for the clarification and the warning.

The day was getting away from Seymour and he still wanted to have a look around Scott’s Land and especially the large structure at the center of town. He still couldn’t remember where he had seen something similar to it. He made his goodbyes to McTavish and McMick and excused himself from the jubilation. As he approached the door he saw McEezee wink at him and lick her lips. No high-fives for you young lady, was his thought. McTavish caught up to him as he was exiting the pub and asked “Sister, I hope we meet again. I’ve grown quite fond of you. What is your last name”? Seymour turned and told the old man “ray-SEE-pays”. McTavish asked how was that spelled. Seymour replied “R-e-c-i-p-e-s.” “Oh, Recipes......like in a cookbook” McTavish noted. A smile danced across the nun’s face as he recalled his father’s sage words of wisdom. “Your last name is ray-SEE-pays despite what anyone may tell you”. Seymour hadn’t forgotten his father’s kindness and taking the time to ensure that his son did not go through life making a complete ass of himself. Seymour repeated the name one last time for McTavish then bid him a fond farewell.

The structure at the center of town was enormous. It had about a dozen steps leading up to four huge wooden double doors. The windows were made of colorful glass and appeared to be telling a story of some kind. Atop the building was a huge dart with a large bell. Where had he seen this before? He walked up the stairs and discovered they were made of marble. Seymour felt each of the gigantic doors and they appeared to have been made with mahogany. All the doors were locked. Then it came to Seymour. Now he remembered. In yoga class Sister Twister use to do a grueling exercise with her hands that very few of the nuns could duplicate. It began by entwining the fingers and had a mantra that accompanied the yoga posture. He could hear it as clearly as the nose on his face. “Here is the church .Here is the steeple. Open the doors and see all the people”. Was this a church? Sister Seymour walked down the marble steps scanning the empty streets looking for the answer. There was an odd conveyance at the bottom of the steps and a bit to the side. A man labored around it. As Seymour got closer he could see writing on the conveyance. It said:

McHAMMER’S ROACH COACH: GOURMET DINING AT AFFORDABLE PRICES.

No shoes, no shirt, no service.

No Fooling

Sister Seymour decided that he was probably a native of Scott’s Land and would surely have the answer to his question. He bounded down the stairs and approached the fellow who appeared to be stirring something in a large pot. Seymour called out to the man who had his back to him “Excuse me, Sir” Without turning around the fellow yelled “McHammer is the name and fine dining is the my game”. “ Mr. McHammer, I have a question that perhaps you could help me with.” “Certainly” he was saying as he was turning around to face Seymour. “Glad

to be of.............” His voice trailed off when he saw Sister Seymour. McHammer looked surprised at first and then the astonishment set in. “I know, I know” said Sister Seymour. “The zit”. McHammer finally found his tongue and asked “Are you a nun”? “Yes” Seymour responded “and I have a question.” McHammer nodded. The nun turned a bit and pointed at the large structure that dominated the town square and inquired “Is that a church”? “You are a nun and have never seen a church”? was the reply. Sister Seymour held McHammer’s gaze and waited for answer to his question. “ It is Saint Hurley’s Cathedral”. “Very impressive” Seymour chimed in. “Who is Saint Hurley” was the next question. “Patron Saint of the Morbidly Obese......that’s why it is so big and has so many large doors.” Seymour was fascinated and asked where Saint Hurley was. “Lost” was McHammer’s response.” “ Lost”? Seymour said. “Yes he won some money and went on a vacation and we have never seen him since...........that was three years ago” McHammer explained. “That’s terrible........didn’t anyone go in search of him”? “The town council had a meeting to consider a search party but it was voted down”. “Why”? “Well, McHammer continued,....... we all noticed that there was a lot more food available in the grocery store after he went missing. We all kind of liked it that way.” Sister Seymour was frowning at what he just heard as it seemed so unfair to the poor Saint. “Actually it was good for my business” McHammer confided. “I was able to reopen my All You Can Eat Sunday Brunch Buffet”.

Sister Seymour was scanning the contents of the Roach Coach and asked “ Is all this food then”? “Yes, mostly” McHammer acknowledged. “I have sandwiches, burgers, hot dogs, fries, chips, sodas, iced tea, lemonade, beer, would you like to see the wine list”? “And what is it you are making in the pot”? inquired Seymour as he was reaching for the pot. “YOU CAN”T TOUCH THIS”!! McHammer screamed. “It is very hot an you will burn yourself”. Sister Seymour quickly pulled his hand away and thanked McHammer for his warning. McHammer continued that the pot held the special of the day, McHammer’s Pasta Ala Carbonara. “It smells delightful” Sister Seymour purred. He then inquired as to the ingredients to which McHammer said it was a secret recipe and he was leery to share it. “Who am I going to tell?” asked the nun. “Would you like to sample it , Sister?” “Oh, thank you but I have taken a vow of poverty and therefore can’t pay you” was his reply. “That’s OK, Sister. On Tuesdays I give free samples to male nuns.” What a wonderful tradition Seymour thought. McHammer placed some of the Carbonarra on a paper plate and gave the nun a spork.. Seymour devoured the meal in seconds exclaiming enthusiastically as to how delicious it was. McHammer beamed. “See why I can’t divulge my secret recipe, Sister.” “Oh, please, please, please, pretty please, I’ll be your best friend” Seymour whined. “Oh, I guess it is OK, after all you are a nun and if you can’t trust a nun, well then, who can you trust.” McHammer proceeded to tell Seymour the recipe and all the guarded nuances of Pasta Ala Carbonarra. Sister Seymour listened intently and occasionally nodding his head or asking a question. When McHammer finished the nun thanked him profusely and swore an oath never to divulge his secret recipe. Sister Seymour took his leave and wandered off into the town.

Sister Seymour wandered away from McHammer and across the plaza he spotted a stationary store. He looked quickly over his shoulder to see if McHammer was still watching and waving good-bye. He was not as a crowd was gathering around the Roach Coach. Seymour quickly walked to the stationary store. As he was about to enter he remembered the zit and how awkward it seemed to make everyone feel so he took his veil and covered his nose and mouth so that only his eyes were visible. He entered the store and noticed there was two employees working, both female. They took one look at Seymour and threw their hands up and backed against the wall. Seymour laughed when he saw them put their hands in the air and explained “ I am forbidden to High-five much less to High-Ten”! “The money is in the drawer” one of the sale’s girls indicated with a nod. The other employee was chastising herself for being unable to reach of the silent alarm button. Seymour stated that he had taken a vow of poverty and wasn’t looking for money but rather a pencil and some scratch paper. The two sale’s girls shot looks of confusion at each other and one said “Over there at Lottery counter you will find both. Help yourself, just don’t do any thing you will regret later.” Seymour wondered to himself “How do they know I am going to rip off McHammer’s secret recipe?” He shook it off and took a couple of tiny, barely sharpened pencils and some scratch paper. “Thank you” he said as he exited the store. “Have we just been help up?” said one employee to the other. “I don’t think so” was the reply. “Everyone steals lottery pencils and scratch paper and they don’t ask”.

Seymour found a comfortable bench in an adjacent park and sat down ready to write. He struggled with his conscience for a moment since he was betraying McHammer’s confidence and knew he couldn’t share his secret recipe with the world. As he agonized over his predicament it suddenly came to him. He reasoned that if you change something about the recipe then it would be come a recipe different from McHammer’s. Therefore he would not be stabbing McHammer in the back. So Sister Seymour wrote:

GEORGE’S SPAGHETTI ALA CARBONARA

Ingredients:

6 strips of bacon {cut into 1 inch pieces}

8 thin slices of pancetta (shredded)

1 medium sized yellow onion (sliced thinly}

2/3 cup of sherry

1 stick of butter

1 pound of thin spaghetti

2 eggs

2 tablespoons of red pepper flakes

Copious amount of freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Preparation:

Fry the bacon in a large pot until it render’s its fat and the bacon is slightly crispy. Add the pancetta to the bacon and fat and fry on medium heat until crisp. Remove the bacon and pancetta to a plate. Do not drain on a paper towel! Add the onions to the fat and cook until soft and translucent. Return the bacon and pancetta along with accumulated drippings to the pot with the onions. Pour the sherry into the pot. Cook until the sherry is boiling slightly. Reduce heat to medium low and add butter. Allow it to melt slowly. Prepare spaghetti according to package instructions. When cooked drain the pasta thoroughly. Add pasta to the butter mixture and toss to combine all ingredients. Turn up the heat to medium high and break two eggs over the pasta. Toss the pasta to ensure the eggs are cooked. Add the red pepper flakes and toss the pasta. Serve immediately with a generous helping of Parmesan cheese. Serves four.

Sister Seymour sat on the bench pretty pleased with himself and his first day out of the convent. He had made a new friend in McTavish. He had helped a business man make a crucial marketing decision. Kicked the excrement out of the McNulty brothers. Visited St. Hurley’s Cathedral and met McHammer, a real live chef. The sales girls at the stationary store were also very nice and extremely helpful. Lastly, Sister Seymour had created his first recipe. He had reason to be pleased. Sister Seymour though to himself “His Undeniable Majestic Presence was in His zone and all was right with the world.

Or was it?

Sister Moonbeam sat in the convent’s secure room as instructed waiting for a classified message from “X”. The secure room was used solely for secret communications that were protected by order of the Order. It was a small windowless room made of steel and had only one iron door with a peep hole and a small sliding trap door at the bottom. The door had an intricate locking system that was designed to keep prying eyes out. Earlier in th day Sister Moonbeam had received a secret note that read:

Sister Moonbeam, Secure Room tonight, 10PM. Don’t be tardy and tell no one.

“X”

Moonbeam had received the note in the usual covert manner. It was attached to the community bulletin board next to the kitchen duty roster. Clever since every nun ignored kitchen duty if possible.

Sister Moonbeam had been waiting for about twenty minutes in deep anticipation. Every time she heard foot steps pass the door her heart almost jumped from her chest. Waiting for the small door to slide open was agonizing. Then it finally slid open and a scroll was pushed through with such force that Sister Moonbeam had to stop it with her foot. It was a simple parchment scroll secured with a small black ribbon. Moonbeam eyed the scroll and smiled. The significance of the black ribbon was not lost on her. She knew exactly what it meant. The convent had run out of red ribbons. It wasn’t the color of the ribbon that concerned her. It was the contents of the scroll she hoped would not let her down. She reached down and picked the scroll up and removed the black ribbon. Sister Moonbeam unfurled the scroll and read:

EYES ONLY

Sister Moonbeam,

Your mission, should you choose to except it, is to locate and apprehend the fugitive known as Sister Seymour. Upon apprehending Sister Seymour you are to return him to the convent for justice. Should you be unable to return him to the convent then you are hereby authorized to terminate Sister Seymour with extreme pettiness.

As always if you or any member of your team is killed or captured the administration will disavow any knowledge of your activities.

Good luck and good hunting. “X”

This scroll will destruct in five seconds.

Sister Moonbeam quickly reached for the safety goggles and adjusted them over her eyes. She held the scroll out at arms length in her left hand . She began to count. “Five Mississippi-Four Mississippi-Three Mississippi-Two Mississippi-One Mississippi” When she hit zero her right hand flew up to the scroll with blinding speed and began working in perfect coordination with her left hand as she tore the scroll to bits. Sister Moonbeam tossed the remnants of the destroyed scroll in the burn bag. “Much to do” she muttered. “I will most definitely need a team of highly skilled and motivated nuns for this operation”. Moonbeam started to mentally go down the roster of available personnel. She would definitely take Sister Alfie. Alfie wasn’t too bright but she was loyal and had an axe to grind. Sister Jones was out of the question with broken ribs . Sister Moonbeam would also choose Sister Ho for her unique skills in areas none of the other nuns could possibly compete. However, they would ultimately need muscle. Taking down Sister Seymour would not be a walk in the park. The choice to fill this position was a no- brainer. Sister Moonbeam would select the gender challenged but extremely versatile Sister Mister.

Satisfied with her choices for the team Sister Moonbeam decided to wait until morning to tell them.. She was going to allow them a good night’s sleep as they would need it. Training would be grueling. She prayed to His Undeniable Majestic Presence for strength and that none of the team would drop out during training. Time would tell. Sister Moonbeam blew out the candle that illuminated the room and sat quietly for a few moments reflecting on recent events. She started to sing in a low almost imperceptible voice:

“Bad boy, bad boy........whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do, when we come for you........bad boy, bad boy”.

TO BE CONTINUED

Caribbean Smoked Ribs Recipe

2008-02-05T13:43:00.000-05:00

* 4 full racks of pork side ribs
* with this Caribbean smoked ribs recipe you can adjust the number of racks of ribs as needed.
* 1 pound of wood smoking chips
* 1 tablespoon of salt

Caribbean Spice Rub

* 2 tablespoons paprika
* 1 tablespoon garlic powder
* 1 tablespoon chili powder
* ½ tablespoon thyme
* ½ tablespoon oregano
* ½ tablespoon cumin
* ½ tablespoon black pepper
* ½ tablespoon onion powder
* ½ tablespoon cayenne pepper

Preparation for Caribbean Smoked Ribs Recipe
# Salt the ribs generously using all of the salt and set aside

# Mix all of the ingredients together for the rub and rub the mixture into the meat. Dividing the rub into two bowls is a good idea as you can store any leftover Caribbean Rub as long as it hasn’t been near the meat yet. Do be generous with the rub though, we want them covered.

# Take your smoking chips and dump about one handful of dry chips and another handful of wet chips onto a sheet of tinfoil (you want to make two of these pouches so double these instructions). Wrap the tinfoil pouch up so it’s sealed and then poke a bunch of holes in the top of it to let the smoke out. Make a good amount of holes – you want that smoke getting out!

# Open up your BBQ and place the tinfoil smoking pouch directly on the burner of one side and start the BBQ (only light the side that has the pouch on it). You want the BBQ at as low of a temperature as possible.

# Place the ribs on the gill of the “cold side” of the BBQ. They can overlap a little, but don’t smother any of them, you want the smoke to be able to get to them.

# Close the lid and don’t open it again. The ribs will stay in there for 3 – 4 hours.

# You should see smoke bellowing out of the BBQ after 20 minutes or so. When the smoke stops, open the lid and put in the new pouch.

# Leave ‘em for 3 or 4 hours and you’ll have the best Caribbean Smoked Ribs you’ve ever tasted.

Lime Grilled Mahi Mahi Steaks

2008-02-04T10:01:00.000-05:00

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup fresh lime juice (2 to 3 limes)
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1 clove garlic, finely chopped
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tsp grated fresh ginger root, optional
• 1 tsp Dijon-style mustard
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper
• 6 mahi mahi or tuna steaks (about 1-inch thick)

Preheat grill or broiler. In a small bowl, whisk together the lime juice, olive oil, garlic, soy sauce, optional ginger root, mustard, salt, and pepper. Brush the mahi mahi or tuna steak with about one-third of the dressing and reserve the rest.

Place the mahi mahi steaks on the grill, and cook to desired temperature, flipping only once. Brush mahi mahi steaks once again after flipping.

This recipe has been generously contributed by www.fishingworks.com.

Another Great Site

2008-02-04T09:55:00.000-05:00

Check out Ruby's new shopping mall for grocery and gourmet food items. You won’t be unhappy.

http://astore.amazon.com/rubyskitc-20

"Scott's Land" Seymour Recipe Part III

2008-02-01T10:16:00.000-05:00

Seymour was exhausted. He had been running for twelve straight hours since his harrowing escape from the convent of His Undeniable Majestic Presence. He could still hear the painful words of Sister Alfie after Seymour had fended her off with a stiff arm on the run. “I am going down, I am going down, no joy, no joy” were her last painful words. He liked Sister Alfie despite how clueless she was and hated hurting her. Also haunting Seymour was the sight of Sister Moonbeam kicking Sister Jones as she lay helplessly on the ground. It would be very difficult indeed to shake off these sounds and images but he had to in order to survive in this brave new world he had fled into. He knew he had to put a lot of real estate between himself and the convent. By his calculations he had been running for twelve hours at approximately ten miles per hour so he should be about 42 miles from the convent. A safe distance he thought and began looking for a safe place to rest. He found himself in a deep forest and he had heard that dangerous animals inhabited such places. Seymour knew he would have to sleep with one eye open.

Voices awoke him several hours later. At first he thought the nuns hadn’t abandoned the chase and were on to him so he lay quietly among the foliage. He strained to hear what the voices were saying and realized that the voices were those of men. Quietly Seymour crept through the under brush to a place where he could hear but not be seen. He pushed some branches aside and before him were two men in what appeared to be a heated argument. They were standing at a cross road where one road led up through some hills and another led down along sides of the hills. The men were older and had flat little hats and had walking sticks. Each had a grey beard and to Seymour’s delight he could see that each man was wearing a dress. Their dresses were not like Seymour’s as his was to his ankles and theirs were only to the knee. While his dress was drab and black those of the two men were gaily colored in patterns he had never seen. Seymour listened to the men argue. “You’re a bloody idiot, McTavish, to think the low road, which meanders will get you there the fastest.” “ Whom are you calling a bloody idiot, McClaren?” “Only an idiot would take the high road which is rocky and requires some difficult climbing.” “I tell you this then” McClaren yelled. “We will never get there by standing around arguing” McTavish nodded in agreement. McTavish then revealed that he had a plan. He said “Mclaren, you take the high road and I will take the low road and I will get to Scott’s Land before you.” “Agreed” was McClaren’s response and they set off on different paths. Seymour had been listening intensely and realized what good fortune had befallen him.

He had stumbled upon three valuable pieces of information that could be of tremendous benefit to this nun lost in the wilderness. First there was a place called Scott’s Land where he could rest and possibly eat. Second, it didn’t matter which road he took, high or low, as they both took you to Scott’s Land. Third, the inhabitants of the place wore dresses so he would fit right in and move about unnoticed. Seymour, pleased with himself, jumped straight up and clapped his hands over his head and shouted “Way to go!”

Two hours passed as Sister Seymour argued with himself as to which was the better road to take to Scott’s Land. High or low. He wished he had a coin. He decided on rock, paper, scissors as a means of breaking the deadlock. It was a tie every time. It was proof that the left hand DOES know what the right hand is doing. Stalemate. It was getting late and Seymour knew he had to break the stalemate so as not to get caught in the woods where the old Chinese lady had once told him that there were lions and tigers and bears. Sister Seymour remembers saying “Oh, my.” He then looked to heaven for Devine guidance at which moment he was hit in the eye by bird poop. It was a sign from His Undeniable Majestic Presence. Seymour recited the mantra he had learned at the convent that covers this exact situation. “Birdie, birdie in the sky. Dropped some whitewash in my eye. I am a big boy, I won’t cry. I am just thankful to His Undeniable Majestic Presence that cows don’t fly, Amen.” The choice was clear. The low road it was.

The low road actually seemed to be the best choice as it was a treed lane with a wide lake to the right. Lots of cover so it was a cool walk. Also the low road was an opportunity to drink the fresh lake water and observe the fishermen on the lake in their small boats. Such was the pastoral scene that Sister Seymour would hike his dress up and just plop down for a moment of reflection. He observed that along this path were many interesting fruits all of which were most probably edible. Seymour observed the wide variety of animals and birds as well as the plants and trees. It was really quite beautiful and nothing like the living hell described to him by Mother Inferior. There was much to see and explore so Sister Seymour got up and started back down the low road toward Scott’s Land.

After about an hour of walking he noticed someone coming toward him from the opposite direction. Seymour thought the man looked familiar and soon realized that it was the fellow called McTavish. Had he already been to Scott’s Land and now was returning? If so this was good news as it meant the distance was shorter than he had imagined. However, upon closer inspection Seymour could see that McTavish was not a happy camper. He had an angry and frustrated look on his face and was mumbling. McTavish then looked up and right at Sister Seymour and stopped in his tracks. He had a look of surprise which seemed to turn to a look of astonishment then back to a look of surprise. He stood there staring at Seymour and appeared to be searching for the right words. Seymour broke the silence “What’s the matter?” “Never saw a nun before?” McTavish looked flustered and was only able to say “Well, I’ve seen many nuns before in my life but none quite like you.” “Please explain” Seymour asked with curiosity. McTavish thought for a minute and explained “ All the nuns I have ever seen had something in common.” “That would be?” Seymour inquired. “Well, they never used a men’s room” was all McTavish could think of. Seymour, his curiosity piqued, asked “What in the world is a men’s room?” McTavish looked away and appeared to become uncomfortable with the conversation and finally blurted out “It’s where you do your business!” Seymour looked confused so McTavish continued “It’ where you urinate and the other....you know.” Seymour burst out laughing and exclaimed to McTavish “Why would I need a room for that?” “I would just use my chamber pot.” As the words left his lips, it dawned on Seymour that he had forgotten to include his chamber pot in his escape plans. It was really going to get messy. He worried. McTavish was thinking this is senseless. “I guess you come from a different sort of convent than I am familiar with” McTavish continued “So how long have you been a nun?” Seymour lifted the end of his sash and advised “You see this sash?” McTavish nodded. “Each one of these knots represents five years as a nun. There are seven knots so I have been a nun for twenty-three years.” “Well you certainly have been a nun for a long time and obviously your Order is unique from all others” McTavish said. Seymour smiled at the compliment. “All the other Orders” McTavish ventured. “Think five times seven is thirty-five . . . go figure.” “Obviously the other Orders did not have the benefit of Sister Po as a teacher” Seymour responded. McTavish inquired “What name do you go by?” “I am Sister Seymour” was the response. “OK, finally something makes sense.” Mctavish confided. “Where are you headed, Sister?” “I was going to Scott’s Land and was taking the low road.” “As was I.” Lamented McTavish. “There will be no taking the low road today I am afraid.” A clearly frustrated McTavish informed Seymour. “Why is that?” was his inquiry? “Those blasted McNulty boys have blocked the road with boulders from the high road. The side is too steep to climb and the water too deep to go around” McTavish explained with obvious rancor. “Those two are bullies and trouble makers and a problem for us all.” McTavish growled. “If I were younger, I would thrash them within an inch of their lives!” Sister Seymour did not want to backtrack and take the high road so he needed a plan. Seymour pointed to a small boat just offshore and suggested that they hail the little man in the boat and ask him to ferry them around the obstruction. McTavish said “Don’t waste your time, Sister, that’s McDonald and he is a bit of a clown and always in a hurry. He wouldn’t give us the time of day.” “What’s his problem that he is too busy to help two stranded travelers?” Asked Seymour. McTavish explained that McDonald owned a small restaurant on the edge of Scott’s Land and was having a tough go of it. The place specialized in getting you in and out very quickly and he called his food “speedy.” He wanted to open more restaurants but lacked name recognition or any thing people could identify with on their travels as his speedy food. He’s been known to dress like a clown but that hasn’t done the trick. Seymour was looking out over the lake weighing their problem.

“What would His Undeniable Majestic Presents do in this situation?” Sister Seymour, despite being a fallen nun, asked for guidance. The answer came in the form of two full rainbows of yellowish gold over the lake. It was the sign he had been waiting for. “Stay here” he told McTavish and began waving McDonald down.

McDonald saw the nun waving but indicated that he was busy and had no time. Sister Seymour was on his knees now and begging. Again McDonald pointed to his watch. Seymour then put his hands together as in prayer and that did the trick as McDonald began rowing toward the shore. He pulled up along side Seymour with a scowl on his face which turned to surprise and like McTavis to astonishment . . . He listened as the “nun” explained the situation and then shook his head no. Sister Seymour started explaining something again which resulted in McDonald indicating a yes. Seymour pointed at the interlocking rainbows and McDonald’s face lit up. McTavish could hear McDonald loudly exclaim “Bonnie idea!” Seymour called to McTavish and got into the small boat as did McTavish. They were ferried around the offending boulders and deposited on the shore once again. McDonald thanked Seymour for the suggestion and rowed off whistling a happy tune. “What suggestion?” McTavish asked. Seymour explained “I told him to drop the clown act and dress as a Leprechaun and call his restaurant “McDonald’s, Home of the Golden Rainbows.” “ He said it was just what he was looking for and so we got our boat ride.” Sister Seymour winked at his companion and silently thanked His Undeniable Majestic Presence. They continued on to Scott’s Land.

Jamie Oliver’s Steak, Guinness and Cheese Pie

2008-01-29T11:11:00.000-05:00

Beef brisket (1 inch pieces)
Store bought puff pastry
3 onions sliced
Sprig of rosemary
3 cloves of garlic; minced
1 tbsp butter
2 sticks celery - finely sliced
2 carrot sticks - peeled and sliced
Field mushrooms (portabella); as many as you like; sliced
1 can Guinness
1 heaping tbsp flour
Beef stock
2 handfuls of shredded white cheddar cheese
1 egg, beaten with a fork
1 package frozen peas

Preparation
1. sauté onions on the stove top with a little olive oil, salt and pepper until
slightly browned in a deep pot.

2. stir in a sprig of rosemary.
3. add in the 3 cloves of minced garlic.
4. add 1 tbsp butter.
5. add celery and carrots.
6. add mushrooms.
7. add beef.
8. add a pinch of pepper and salt.
9. add 1 can Guinness.
10. stir in 1 heaping tbsp flour.
11. pour in beef stock to top off stew; liquid should not cover beef.
12. cook at 350 degrees for 2 hours in oven safe pot or bowl.

13. pull stew filling out of oven and stir in 1 handful of shredded white cheddar cheese.

14. roll out puff pastry to about 3mm if needed; some puff pastries already come rolled out, you just need to unfold them from the package.

15. line the bottom of a oven safe bowl or pie pan that is about 4 inches deep and 8-10 inches in diameter with the puff pastry.

16. pour in the stew filling.

17. sprinkle the other handful of shredded cheddar cheese on top of stew filling.

18. brush the outer edge of the puff pastry with the beaten egg (this will act like glue when you put the top on).

19. cover with another piece of puff pastry that has been lightly scored with a knife; in watching the show, I am pretty sure you are not supposed to cut all the way through the pastry. You should still be able to pick up the section of pastry without it coming apart.

20. press around the edges so the top puff pastry is sealed to the bottom puff pastry.

21. fold in excess puff pastry that is draping over the bowl/pan so it has a crinkled look on the top.

22. brush top with beaten egg.

23. put pie in the oven at 350 degrees for 40 minutes or until bubbly and golden.

24. towards the end of the cook time for the pie, cook a package of frozen peas according to package directions.

25. once pie is finished cooking, pull out of the oven; spoon peas over top of each pie serving.

Seymours Adventure, The Epiphany Part II Cont.

2008-01-23T12:53:00.000-05:00

That moment came several months later as Sister Seymour and Sister Po sat together in the courtyard taking in a spectacular sunset. “Ah” Sister Po said “ His Majestic Presence is Undeniable this day! Don’t you agree, Brasshopper?” Sister Seymour nodded slightly causing his mentor to ask “why the long face? Then he hit her right between the eyes with a question that was long over due but prepared for. “What is the meaning of life?” he asked. Sister Po turned to Sister Seymour and stared at him for several excruciating moments. She looked deep into his eye as if to be regarding his very soul. Then slowly she brought her hand up and pointed at him with her index finger. His eyes grew wide and his heart started pounding in his chest. He thought..... is Sister Po telling me that I am part of the meaning of life? The excitement was welling out of control as he was about to ask if that is what she meant. But before he could ask the meaning of the gesture Sister Po said “Pull my finger, Brasshopper.” Shaking with anticipation the young nun took hold the index finger of his master and teacher and gave a yank.

It took about 20 minutes for the air to clear and another 15 for Sister Seymour’s eyes to stop tearing and burning. He caught a glimpse of Sister Po sitting on the bench next to him. She still had her finger out but was now giggling and trying to stifle even greater laughter. Tears were running down her cheeks and she was obviously having difficulty regaining her composure. Sister Seymour was trying to make sense of it all when it hit him like thick mist off a tar pit. He had just been subjected to His Undeniable Majestic Fragrance and it contained a message for him. He could see with greater clarity now than ever before. The message was simple:

“ SOON YOU SHALL KNOW. LOOK FOR A CLUE IN MOTHER INFERIOR’S PANTY DRAWER UNDER THE FISHNETS AND DON’T GET CAUGHT.”

Sister Seymour looked over at Sister Po to see if she as well was made aware of the message. Sister Po was now looking directly at Sister Seymour and she was saying “oink oink oink oink oink.” She was clearly in rapture. But as Sister Seymour was observing her teacher Sister Po suddenly became completely composed and said “It’s a pork fat thing, Brasshopper.” Then she put her face close to Sister Seymour’s face and yelled “BAM.” It was evident that she was now speaking in tongues and only His Undeniable Majestic Presence could possibly understand. Sister Seymour decided that this was a good time to leave her mentor to her rapture so she got up from the bench and walked away. As he was walking across the courtyard he could hear Sister Po yelling:

“ Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy was he?” This caused him to pause and contemplate the meaning behind those words. Sister Seymour glanced over his shoulder and noticed that all the other nuns were racing to Sister Po in order to be part of the rapture. Among them was Mother Inferior. “This is my chance” thought Sister Seymour. So he headed directly toward Mother Inferior’s cubical and her panty drawer.

He arrived at the cubical in a matter of seconds and to his astonishment he found that Mother Inferior had failed to set the deadbolt. In her haste to be part of the rapture Mother Inferior left her door unlocked! Sister Seymour slowly opened the door and surveyed the room. It was similar to his with the exception that Mother inferior had a Sleep Number bed and a bathroom as opposed to the chamber pots the other nuns had to use. She also had her own brass spittoon. Across the room he saw a dresser with six drawers. He opened each until he came to the panty drawer. He tried not to rearrange things too much so as to not give away that someone had rifled thru the drawer. Sister Seymour searched cautiously while keeping a wary eye out for Mother Inferior’s possible return. He was suddenly startled by a collective shout “WHOA DOGGIES.” He heard coughing and the sound of gagging coming from the area where Sister Po was in rapture. “The finger again” he muttered to himself. Mother Inferior wouldn’t be back any time soon. He was relieved. Sister Seymour finally located the fishnets and there hidden beneath them was an old faded yellow post- it- note. He gently removed it and unfolded it and began to read. As he read his eyes began to fill with tears and his hands were shaking. He gasped when he realized the significance of the note! “I didn’t know I had a last name much less how to pronounce it” he exclaimed. The nuns had never told him. They only called him Seymour. He felt a little bitterness rise up in him and also a feeling of betrayal. The note was obviously from his father and the nuns never told him! Obviously his father was a kind and caring person for having let Seymour know about his full name. Certainly the milk of human kindness runs through the very veins of his father and his father was out there. Seymour’s daddy was beyond the convent walls and probably searching desperately for Seymour at this very moment. How could these nuns have kept father and son apart? Seymour knew he had to think all this out so he replaced the note exactly as he had found it. He left the room and closed the door behind him. Across the courtyard all the nuns were prostrate on the ground except for Sister Po who was now reciting the multiplication tables. Incorrectly. Seymour needed a plan. As for now he would act as though nothing out of the ordinary was taking place. He walked across the courtyard holding his nose and stepped over Sister Sally on his way to the dining hall. He was famished and more than a little bit pissed.

Finding the note occurred six months ago and here Seymour still sat reflecting on his life in the convent. Why hadn’t he acted by now? What did the wonderful note reveal about his father who must certainly be a great man? So thoughtful was Seymour’s father that he attempted to prevent Seymour from making a complete ass of himself! Then a dark thought entered his mind. Could it be possible that his father was attempting to prevent Seymour from succeeding in this area? No, the note was far too warm and loving. Seymour shook it off.

Sister Seymour finished his self reflection and prepared to join his fellow nuns for the morning meal. He put on his dress and scapular then donned the white coif and veil. Lastly he wrapped the knotted sash around his waist and departed for the dining hall. Since finding the post- it- note he became a little paranoid. He tried to conduct himself in all the usual manners so as to not arouse the suspicions of the others. While he still had no plan he knew he had to do something and something soon. He had learned just the other day that Sister Moonbeam (formerly Sister Bodica) had mentioned to Mother Inferior that he had been spending a lot of time by the short wall. Now the short wall was the northern most wall of the convent. It was 12 feet high and some of the cooler nuns referred to it as the “net wall” because that was where the basketball net was hung. Sadly, it was also known as the “problem wall” because the nuns were constantly cleaning obscene graffiti off it. Little did they know that he was the source of the graffiti ever since he found the note. The most offensive words he wrote were “rice is not nice.” This sent the convent into a turmoil and despite regular surveillance they were unable to locate the source.

Sister Seymour went about the day normally attending the morning meal and noon meal and choir practice with Sister Shania. The tempest brewing within him went unnoticed. After choir practice and just before the evening meal he went once again to the short wall and just paced back and forth. This did not go unnoticed as Sister Moonbeam and Mother Inferior were watching from the kitchen. “What do you think Sister Seymour is up to?” Mother Inferior inquired of Sister Moonbeam. Sister Moonbeam responded “I have no idea, Mother Inferior. If he had a ball and was shooting some hoops that would be different. But basketball season doesn’t begin for another two months.” “Well keep an eye on him, Sister, in case he needs our comfort.” Mother Inferior went about her chores while Sister Moonbeam studied the movements of Sister Seymour.

Sister Seymour could feel the heat of their eyes on him. He knew now they were probably suspicious of something so he tried to act normal. He picked up some pebbles and threw them over the wall. Nothing out of the ordinary here since they all did it. As he stooped to retrieve more pebbles he noticed something protruding ever so slightly from the dirt. He brushed the dirt aside and wrenched the object out of the hole he had created. It was an odd shaped thing. It was about the size of his fist and had a crusty brown hide. It also had white nodules protruding from it in a couple of places. It definitely had weight to it. He started to toss it over the wall but hesitated at the last second. Sister Seymour held it up to his face and sniffed it. It smelled earthy which didn’t make any sense to him. Next he noticed that the white nodules actually looked like eyes and they appeared to be staring back at him. He wasn’t sure if it was the object that spoke to him or Devine inspiration of His Undeniable Majestic Presence but he clearly heard the words “BITE ME” and with that Sister Seymour opened his mouth as wide as possible and sunk his teeth into the hide.

Sister Moonbeam watched in utter disbelief. It appeared that Sister Seymour had just eaten dirt and was going for a second helping. She called to other nuns to come see and they all rushed to the window with eyes as wide as saucers.

Seymour was eating the object as fast as he could. His mouth and lips and teeth were slobbering with dirt but he didn’t mind. Except for the dirt the “thing” was relatively tasteless, but it was edible and it had been here all this time. Was this another cruel hoax perpetrated on him by Mother Inferior? As Sister Seymour studied the half-eaten find tears began to well up in his eyes and he started giggle and tremble. He took his new food jab it at the sky and shouted:

“As His Undeniable Majestic Presence is my witness, I will never eat lousy again”!!!!!

Sister Seymour sank to his knees sobbing with joy. In the kitchen all the nuns watched as this drama played out. All were wondering what it was that brought Sister Seymour such joy. Mother Inferior and Sister Moonbeam were becoming very concerned.

Sister Seymour noticed another of this food in the dirt and clawed it out of the groung with his fingers. He held this one up to study and noticed that it was larger than the first and it had two nodules next to each other definitely giving the appearance of eyes. He searched around on the ground and found a large prickly sand spur and placed lower but between the eyes. He smiled which gave him an idea. Sister Seymour quickly located six more sand spurs and place them in a semi circle under the first one. He howled with laughter as he looked at his creation. It appeared to be smiling at him and he was smiling back. He asked for Devine guidance on what o call his new “friend.” He doesn’t know where the inspiration came from but he heard it loud and clear. He would name his new creation “Mr. Potato Head.” He was pleased with himself and immediately knew what he must do.

Sister Moonbeam also knew exactly what Sister Seymour had in mind and started yelling “He’s gonna do it!” “He’s gonna do it!” “Do what?” Mother Inferior yelled. Sister Moonbeam screamed “He’s gonna rabbit!” With that all the nuns burst from the kitchen via any rout available to get to the courtyard and Sister Seymour beyond. Sister Twister was even seen climbing out the drive-thru window in desperate hot pursuit.

None of this was lost on Seymour as he calmly removed his knotted sash and tied one end in a loop. “Don’t do it!” He could hear the charging nuns scream. He was focused and calm. Not even a herd of rampaging nuns could sway him from his course. He threw the looped end of the sash toward the top of the wall in an attempt hook one of the spikes that lined the top of the wall. On the third attempt he was successful. The nuns were closer and he could hear Mother Inferior urging them all on. “Get him!” “Don’t let him get away!” Sister Moonbeam, who was the strategist among the nuns peeled off from the chase with two other nuns and headed for the gate. If Sister Seymour made it over the wall then the three of them would tackle him on the other side.

With the sash securely affixed to the spike Seymour picked up Mr. Potato Head, and shoved him into his granny panties. Seymour grabbed the sash and using the knots as a rope ladder he was quickly atop the wall. From here he could see Sister Moonbeam rushing to cut off his escape. He could also see the other nuns reach the foot of the wall exhausted and out of breath. No longer a threat! Moonbeam was a different story as she was very quick and very determined. Seymour told himself and Mr. Potato Head “We are outta here!” Seymour dropped off the wall and landed particularly hard causing him to fall. Moonbeam screamed “You’re all mine now you transvestite freak of nature!” “You’re going down and you are going down hard!” “I’ve been on to you since day one, Buster!” “Never trust a nun that never changes her name!”

Seymour sat at the base of the wall momentarily stunned but the vitriol being spewed by Sister Moonbean shocked him back to reality. He had reason to fear Moonbeam because she was the only one he could not take in the ring. If she started throwing punches, he was screwed. Seymour checked his ankles fearing a sprain. He was ok thanks to the sturdy nun shoes that gave support to his ankles and feet. (He was very glad he decided not to switch when Mother Inferior approved Reebok as an alternate form of foot wear.) Moonbeam was moving in for the kill! Seymour jumped to his feet and adjusted his granny panties so that Mr. Potato Head was in a more advantageous position and took off running as fast he could. Moonbeam and her two cohorts were trying to triangulate Seymour forcing him to do some very fancy broken field running. He glanced over his shoulder and a bit to the side only to see Sister Alfie gaining. Sister Alfie pulled along side Seymour and opened her arms like a bear hug was coming but at the last second Seymour threw his arm out stiffly and caught the sister on the side of the face throwing her off balance. Seymour watched as she tumbled helplessly across the rocky ground. One down he thought and picked up the pace. He could see as he looked back that Moonbeam was fading and would soon be out of the race but that still left Sister Jones and she was a sprinter and clearly faster than him. He needed a strategy to deal with this final threat and decided on a bold maneuver. He stopped running. He turned and faced Sister Jones who had a look satisfaction written all over her face. Seymour could see Moonbeam’s expression change as well as did her speed. Sister Jones came sprinting right at him yelling “Come to Papa” “Whose your Daddy?” When she got within about 15 yards Seymour hiked up his skirt, turned on full steam an began running directly at Sister Jones whose eyes widened in surprise. They were on a collision course and it looked to Sister Jones like he was wearing a cup! Sister Jones realized there was going to be full body contact so it was her only hope to knock Sister Seymour down as well as herself and let Sister Moonbeam issue the Coup de Gras. As the two bodies went hurtling toward each other Sister Jones became completely distracted when she thought she saw a face looking at her through Sister Seymour’s granny panties. Sister Jones plowed passed Seymour but not before he put his foot out catching her ankle and sending her sprawling across the gentle meadow. Her gasps for air were music to Seymour’s ears as it was a clear indication she was down for the count. Moonbeam was crestfallen. Her one last best hope was laying on the ground. Seymour was booking as fast as he could. His skirt hiked and his veil flowing he was yelling:

“ FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK HIS UNDENIABLE MAJESTIC PRESENCE, I AM FREE AT LAST”

Moonbeam shouted in response:

“You can run you coward, but you will never be able to run far enough!” “I will hunt you down even if it takes me to the four corners of the earth!” (Sister Moonbeam bucked conventional wisdom and believed the earth was square)

She walked over to Sister Jones, who was mumbling something about a face. Moonbeam gave her a swift kick in the ribs and said ”Lil’ miss Sister Loser. How are you this fine day? Looking a bit tired. “Why do we even bother giving you steroids?” “Loser” snarled Moonbeam.

Sister Moonbeam watched as Seymour ran toward the setting son and silently hoped he would fall off the earth. “This isn’t over by a long shot, Faggot. We will meet again and you can take that to the bank!” Moonbeam swore. Disgusted she turned toward the convent gate but not before kicking Sister Jones in the ribs one last time.

TO BE CONTINUED

Super Bowl Sandwich

2008-01-21T16:18:00.000-05:00

1 large round sunflower bread loaf
1 lb. boar's head oven gold turkey breast
1/2 lb boar's head cream havarti
1/2 red onion thinly sliced and halved
1 red bell pepper sliced thin and halved
6 slices of bacon , cooked and crumbled

Balsamic Vinaigrette
1/2 c balsamic vinegar
1 tablespoon soy sauce
2 tablespoons honey
2 cloves garlic minced
crushed red pepper to taste
1/2 cup olvie oil

Combine vinegar,soy sauce, honey, garlic and red pepper flakes in blender, process. Then with motor running add olive oil and process till smooth.

Next cut sunflower loaf in half. Hollow out some of the bread making a cradle
then drizzle several tablespoons of vinagrette over top and bottom of bread.

Layer bottom of bread with several slices of turkey, salt and pepper. Sprinkle with a handful of bacon,onion and red pepper. Top with cheese. Repeat layers.
Cover with bread top and wrap tightly in saran wrap. Chill overnight in the frig.

To serve: cut into eigths and pass with remaining vinagrette for dipping.

Grilled Salmon With Jalapeno Butter

2008-01-21T14:19:00.000-05:00

1 teaspoon gingerroot, minced
1 1/2 teaspoons garlic, minced
2 large jalapeno peppers, halved & seeded
1/4 cup fresh cilantro leaves, loosely packed
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 lbs fresh salmon fillets

1. For Jalapeño Butter:.
2. Combine ginger, garlic and jalapeño peppers in a blender or food processor. Process until finely chopped. Add cilantro and process until combined. Stir in butter.
3. On a piece of plastic wrap, shape butter into a 6 inch long log. Seal and chill until serving time.
4. Sprinkle salmon with salt & pepper. Wrap salmon in foil and place on grill. Grill for 10 to 12 minutes, flipping package over half way. Fish is done when it flakes easily when tested with a fork.
5. To serve, place a 3/4 inch slice of jalapeño butter on top of each serving of salmon.
6. Seal remaining butter and freeze up to 3 months.

Steak Tampiquena (Mexican Steak)

2008-01-21T13:49:00.000-05:00

2-3 thin sliced quality cuts steak
seasoning salt
1 small onion (minced)
2 roma tomatoes (chopped)
2 cloves garlic (chopped)
2 (4ounce) cans whole roasted green chili peppers (not chopped)
1 tablespoon olive oil
2-3 slices monterey jack pepper cheese or white Mexican blend cheese (sliced length wise)

* Broil/Grill Main Dish
* Tex-Mex Main Dish
* Beef Main Dish

1. Heat olive oil in pan.
2. Sautee onion, garlic and tomato for 3 minutes or until tender.
3. Set mixture aside.
4. Preheat oven to broil.
5. Cut green chile into long strips and set aside.
6. Sprinkle seasoning salt on both sides of steak.
7. Broil steaks (I broil the thin cuts 3-4 minutes) on one side.
8. Remove from oven and place mixture of tomato, onion and garlic evenly on unbroiled side of steaks.
9. Top with 2-3 strips of green chile.
10. Next,place a slice of cheese on top of each steak (you will cover mixture and green chile strips with cheese slice.) Broil until steak is done and cheese is melted (about 3 minutes).
11. Serve and enjoy!

The Culinary Adventures of Seymour Recipes Part II

2008-01-16T15:42:00.000-05:00

The Epiphany

Sister Seymour sat on the edge of his wooden bed with a straw mattress alone in his cubicle. He was reflecting on himself and his life here in the convent of His Undeniable Majestic Presence as was customary before chapel and morning meal. He stared at the drab gray walls looking at the chipping paint. Since pictures and mirrors were forbidden the only things to look at were the four pegs on which his habit hung. Without mirrors the nuns had to rely on each other to tell what everyone looked like. Sister Seymour was told he had nice blue eyes and wasn’t particularly butt-ugly. He had to trust them for so much. He looked at the various garments that comprised his habit. The black dress. The black scapula. The white coif to cover his hair. The black veil. The sturdy black shoes that came up over his ankle and had 18 eyelets on either side. In addition to all this there hung a coarse thick rope which was worn as a sash or belt. His had seven large knots tied along it with each knot representing five years at the convent. He had been existing solely within the four walls of the convent for 21 years. He sometimes found himself wondering if there was anything outside the walls. The nuns told him no since the world was flat and if people go too far they fall off. They were better off here. He wondered.

Sister Seymour had to admit that he was well treated and there were always plenty of rice and brackish water so he would never go hungry. The convent had educated him to the best of their abilities despite a lack of educational resources. Each of the nuns had a teaching specialty that the passed on to Sister Seymour. For instance Sister Twister taught a grueling yoga course and sex education was taught by the vivacious and outgoing Sister Ho. However, his primary mentor and educator was the mysterious and stoic Sister Po. Sister Po taught Sister Seymour how to read and write and some rudimentary mathematics. Sadly Sister Po’s one weakness was her lack of math skills so Sister Seymour never really got the big picture. Despite this shortcoming Sister Po was considered the best and the brightest and respected by all. All also respected, and rightfully so, her penchant for Devine flatulence.

It was Sister Po that gave Sister Seymour his nickname as a child. She called him “Brasshopper.” The name originated when Sister Po observed young Seymour as he ran playing around the convent and hopping over the brass spittoons in the chapel. Others thought it was disrespectful but Sister Po said that she doubted His Undeniable Majestic Presence would be offended by His young servant playing with the spittoons. The matter was dropped but only Sister Po ever called him “Brasshopper.”

Sister Po was an enormous influence on the young Sister Seymour mentally, physically and spiritually. He worked very hard to learn his lessons and please his teacher. Sister Po was also a philosopher and lectured Sister Seymour on their religion as well as some of the other major ones. Sister Seymour learned that there was a large and powerful religion called “Catholicism” and its followers were called Catholics. He learned that the day of worship for Catholics was Sunday. He also learned of another important religion called “Judaism” and the followers were generally called Jews and their day of worship is Saturday. Sister Seymour learned that this was in stark contrast to her own new religion whose day of worship is Wednesday and then only after12 0'clock noon. The day is officially recorded in the terms of the Order as “The Day of His Undeniable Majestic Presence.” However, over the years it is just referred to, solemnly, as ” HUMP Day.”

Sister Po was also Sister Seymour’s marshal arts instructor and taught him all the old ancient ways of the Order. This is where Sister Seymour really excelled. By the time he was 14 he had earned black belts in Scratching, Biting and Clawing. Where Sister Seymour really excelled and became a Master was in Hair Pulling! Sister Po couldn’t have been prouder of her little Brasshopper.

Then a noise distracted Sister Seymour from her reflections. She listened carefully and then said aloud “Oh no, not this again.” Down the hall Sister Sally was practicing for the Annual Yodeling Contest and she would practice hour after hour for about a month before the actual contest. The practice seems to have paid off since she has won every year. Not a hard feat when you consider that there were no other entries so she runs uncontested. However, Mother Inferior requires all to attend and congratulate Sister Sally on her hard won victory. Sister Sally yodels for about three hours while her fellow nuns sit patiently with painted enthusiasm. Upon hearing Mother Inferior declare Sister Sally the winner all the nuns give thanks to His Undeniable Majestic Presence then they mob Sister Sally with hugs and since high fives are forbidden some nuns just jump straight up and clap their own hands together and shouted “Way to go!” Others stand with their arms folded across their chests and lean back a little and exclaim “You da nun!” Sister Sally gives a slight speech thanking everyone and promising to try even harder next year. Privately Sister Seymour thought the whole thing was ridiculous but has kept his thoughts to himself. He once suggested that he would participate if it was a hog calling contest but the idea never grew legs so he dropped it. He had to give Sister Sally credit however. She had certainly earned her title as the “Yodeling Nun.”

Sister Seymour snapped out of it and realized he had drifted from reflecting on his mentor and teacher Sister Po. He tried to blot out Sister Sally and go on reflecting on all the knowledge and wisdom Sister Po had imparted to him over the years. Sister Seymour had learned that the moon was actually a man that was made out of green cheese and there is a legend that a cow had jumped over it. When he asked Sister Po what cheese and a cow were Sister Po told him it wasn’t
important to know. Since she didn’t why should he? The logic was undeniable. Such was the wisdom His Undeniable Majestic Presence had bestowed on Sister Po and now she on him. But he did have questions which he was afraid to ask for fear of giving the impression that his mind was wandering outside the convent walls. He thought the ancient Chinese lady who brings the rice is out there. Where does she come from? Where does the rice come from? These were questions he pondered long and hard. He once asked Sister Alfie”What’s it all about?” He further asked that if living so isolated wasn’t a sign of ignorance and apathy. He thought for sure he had stepped in it now and fully expected a lecture. But instead Sister Alfie replied “ I don’t know and I really don’t care.” Sister Seymour now realized that he needed answers and the best place to get them was from Sister Po. He would just have to wait for the right moment and choose his words carefully.

GARLIC PORK

2008-01-14T10:08:00.001-05:00

3-4 lbs. lean pork (with just a little fat)
1/2 pint vinegar 1/2 lb. garlic
1 bunch thyme (1 broad leaf and 4 stalks fine leaf)
6 scotch bonnet peppers 3 or 4 cloves, 4 tsp. Salt, 3 table spoons oil

Cut pork into suitable sized pieces.
Grind garlic, peppers and thyme. Add the vinegar, salt and cloves. Pour over the pork,
making sure that there is enough liquid to cover the pork completely, add water if necessary.

Leave to Marinate for about 3 - 4 days or longer if possible.
Into a heavy pan, pour the oil and brown the meat on medium heat, The fat of
the pork should also melt supplying the fat in which the pork will fry until brown, cover and simmer until tender.

Spicy Tomato Salad

2008-01-14T10:06:00.001-05:00

Ingredients

12 plum tomatoes
1 teaspoon caster sugar
Ground black pepper to taste
1 Medium sized Onion peeled and sliced
1 Red chilli; finely sliced
4 teaspoons lemon or lime juice
1 teaspoon fresh root ginger peeled and grated
2 teaspoons light soy sauce
1 teaspoon chopped coriander leaves
5 salad onions thinly sliced
100 ml extra virgin olive oil

Method

Slice the tomatoes and gently toss in a bowl with the sugar and pepper.

In a separate bowl, mix together the onion, chilli, lemon juice and
grated ginger.

Leave to stand for 15 minutes, then stir the two mixtures together.

Add the soy sauce, corriander and salad onions, Stir in the Olive oil.

Nice served with Crispy bread.

Seymour Recipes Adventures Part 1

2008-01-09T13:53:00.000-05:00

The day broke beautifully with a bright warm sun and light zephyrs to carry the fragrances of nature to the nostrils of the nuns of the convent of His Undeniable Majestic Presence as they took their morning meal. The nine nuns of this small convent had committed their lives to internal reflection and living lives of poverty and self denial. They lived behind the walls of the convent in quiet serenity avoiding all contact with the outside world so as to not sully their purity. They were unconcerned with the matters of the world around them and were concerned only with their humble and self-deprecating ways. All were equal and none better that another. So much so that the leader of the nuns referred to herself as Mother Inferior. Before she became Mother inferior she was known simply as Sister Tyrone. The Order provides that the nuns may take any name they wish including names usually associated with males. They did this to bond more closely with Him and to further humiliate themselves as was their calling. The Order also provides for the nuns to change their names at any time and as often as they wish. It was their sacred right. There were some moments of hilarity at the convent when two nuns would simultaneously and unsuspectingly change their names to the same name! An example of this was when two sisters changed their names to Sister Lowenstein. It took days for the other nuns to figure out who was who! Also, when a sister changed her name it caused a measure of excitement around the convent because it gave the impression that a new nun had joined the Order and the others would spend their evenings sitting around getting to know her.

Such were the simple and serene ways of the Sisters of His Undeniable Majestic Presence.
That was all about to change.

Today as with all days their meal consisted of cooked rice and brackish water. It was all they ever ate day in and day out month after month meal after meal. None of the nuns ever complained and always gave thanks to Him for all they had. What they had amounted to little.
The meal ritual was always the same as was the meal itself. Rice and brackish water served on tin plates and tin cups on a wooden table with nine wooden stools. Each nun, in turn, said a prayer of thanks to Him and Mother Inferior would go last attempting to bring all of the invocations together in one long spiritual and meaningful sentiment. The whole ritual took about three hours which consumed the greater part of the nun’s waking hours since they had three meals a day. Today, however, as Mother Inferior attempted to pull all the prayers together there was a loud banging on the convent gate that startled all the nuns. Their consternation was further amplified by the fact that this was a Thursday and their only visitor came on Saturdays. That sole visitor was the ancient Chinese lady, Hu Flung Poo, as she delivered the week’s ration of rice to the convent. Other than she the nuns have never seen another human being as contact with any other was forbidden by the Rules of the Order of His Undeniable Majestic Presence.

The banging became louder and more urgent and all the nuns looked at each other in amazement once again. All rose from their stools and hurried to the gate to learn what the commotion was. Mother Inferior had to restrain them all and remind them that she alone was the only one allowed to look through the eye slit in the gate. Dutifully the nuns formed a single file line and followed Mother Inferior out into the courtyard and to the gate. Along with their curiosity there was also an element of excitement as to why anyone would be pounding so vigorously on the gate. As Mother Inferior reached the gate and opened the eye slit she stared silently through it. Saying nothing was beginning to exasperate the other nuns and Mother Inferior could sense the growing discontent. Mother Inferior turned slowly and looked into the eager faces of her nuns and said “It is nothing, no one is there.” The look of disappointment washed across the faces of the nuns. The situation was mulled over by the gaggle and a suggestion was made that perhaps the person knocking was short and the eye slit too high. This prompted another suggestion that quite possibly the gate should actually be opened despite the fact it was Thursday to make sure they had not overlooked anyone. To everyone’s glee Mother Inferior agreed and disengaged the primitive lock and swung the door open. Again there was no one. As Mother Inferior started to close the gate, a sister noted a drab blanket on the ground to the side of the gate. All gathered around the blanket intently studying it. Then the blanket moved ever so slightly causing all the nuns to yelp and jump backwards. Sister Bodica, who had the quickest reflexes and was the least liked, was instructed to investigate the blanket. She stepped cautiously forward and kicked the blanket several times then with a quick move of her hand grabbed the edge of the blanket and whipped it up like a cape sending another bundle careening across the ground. She leapt like a tiger to catch it and was able to stop its bouncing across the ground. All the nuns now came closer to see what had been deposited at their doorstep. Sister Bodica opened the bundle and gasped. It’s an infant she announced. Is there a note, was the next question? Sister Bodica held the child before Mother Inferior and said that there was a yellow post it note attached the child’s forehead. Mother Inferior tore it quickly off the forehead causing the child to erupt into yelps and tears. Mother Inferior read the note aloud.

It read:

Dear Son,

You are going to grow up and be an idiot and an embarrassment and we don’t want you. We gave you a fictitious name so you can never find us. We named you Seymour Recipes. And just so you don’t go through life making a complete ass of yourself Recipe is pronounced “ray-SEE-pays”despite what anyone else may tell you. Good riddance. Love, Dad.

Mother Inferior was stunned at the cruelty of the infant’s father lamenting to her fellow nuns “What kind of monster would name his son Seymour?” “Sisters, we obviously have been blessed by His Undeniable Majestic Presence and it is our sacred duty to raise this child as one of us!” All the nuns enthusiastically agreed with Mother Inferior and the child was welcomed into the convent and a life of self- depreciation, poverty and meals of rice and brackish water. The nine sisters all agreed that this was a joyous occasion. Particularly pleased with this new addition were Sisters Michael, Charles, Scotty and Dennis. As they followed Mother Inferior back to the convent Sister Michael nudged Sister Dennis and held up four fingers briefly before holding up her thumb to indicate the number 5. Sister Dennis smiled slightly and winked at Sister Michael indicating she understood the significance of the gesture. She thought to herself as the procession marched across the courtyard....no more of this 5 to 4 crap.....the intramural basketball games were going to get a whole lot fairer. Sister Dennis then folded her hands in a silent prayer of thanks thinking all the time that His Undeniable Majestic Presence works in mysterious ways.

To Be Continued

Miami Cuban style Steak w/ Mojo

2008-01-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

ingredients
1/2 cup fresh lime juice
1/3 cup water
1/4 cup fresh orange juice
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1/2 cup olive oil
8 large garlic cloves, thinly sliced crosswise
1 teaspoon ground cumin
6 thin sirloin steaks (8 ounces each)
3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
Vegetable oil, for the grill
2 sweet onions, sliced 1/4 inch thick

directions

1. Mix the lime juice, water, orange juice, salt, oregano and pepper in a bowl.

2. Heat the olive oil in a deep saucepan over moderate heat. Add the garlic and cumin and cook until the garlic is fragrant and golden, about 2 minutes. Very carefully add the juice mixture and bring to a boil. Remove from the heat and let the mojo cool to room temperature.

3. Arrange the steaks in a large glass baking dish. Add the cilantro to the mojo and pour half of it over the steaks; turn several times to coat evenly. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator for 1 to 2 hours. Reserve the remaining mojo.

4. Light a grill. Lightly brush the grate with oil. Remove the steaks from the marinade and pat dry. Brush the onion slices with some of the reserved mojo. Grill the onion slices over the cooler part of the grill, until lightly charred and tender, about 4 minutes per side. Grill the steaks over high heat until medium rare, 2 minutes per side. Transfer the steaks and onions to a platter; spoon the remaining mojo on top and serve.

Recipe by Steven Raichlen
From All-American Grilling
This recipe originally appeared in June, 2000.

Grilled Fish w/ Lime Sauce

2008-01-08T14:30:00.000-05:00

Ingredients (Serves 2)
2 Tuna or Swordfish Steaks
tblsp. Walker'sWood Jerk Sauce or Seymours' Jamaican Jerk Sauce

Lime Cream Sauce
1/2 Onion, chopped
1 sprig thyme
100ml White wine
100ml Double Cream
1 Lime, Juiced
Salt & Pepper to taste

Method
Season fish in jerk marinade for 1 hour before grilling for 4 minutes on each side. Simmer onion, thyme, salt, pepper & wine until liquid has almost evaporated. Stir in cream & lime juice & pour over fish.

Baked Chicken in Guava Sauce

2008-01-08T14:13:00.000-05:00

INGREDIENTS:

1 stalk escallion, chopped
1/2 small onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 Tbsp. vegetable oil
3 1/4 lbs. (3 kg) chicken, cut into 8 serving pieces
1 cup guava pulp, chopped
1/2 cup GRACE TOMATO KETCHUP
1/4 whole ginger
1 Tbsp. brown sugar
1 cup guava juice
4 cups water
1/4 cup white cane vinegar
11/2 tsp. black pepper

METHOD / DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat oven to 350°F / 180°C.
2. Blend chopped escallion, onion and garlic with vegetable oil.
3. Season chicken with blended seasonings and leave to marinate for about 20 minutes.
4. Place chicken on a greased baking sheet and put to bake for about 40 minutes.
5. To make guava sauce, combine guava pulp, Grace Tomato Ketchup, ginger, sugar, guava juice, water and vinegar then put to boil for 15 minutes.
6. After the sauce is reduced to thickness, add Grace Fish and Meat Sauce then spoon the sauce over chicken.
7. Allow chicken to bake for another 10 minutes until tender.

SERVING SUGGESTIONS:
Serve with gungo rice and peas accompanied with buttered carrots and string beans along with a salad of your choice.

RECIPE NOTES:
Spice up this dish by adding 1/4 cup GRACE FISH & MEAT SAUCE to the sauce before serving.

Bajan Sweet Bread

2008-01-08T12:50:00.001-05:00

INGREDIENTS:
2½ cups grated coconut
½ cup melted butter or margarine
4 cups flour
1 tbsp shortening
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
¾ cup sugar
1 cup raisins
1 egg - beaten
1¼ cup evaporated milk
1 tsp almond essence
METHOD / DIRECTIONS:
Grease loaf pans with shortening and pre-heat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit.
Mix flour, baking powder,salt,coconut, sugar and the raisins together in a bowl. Add egg, evaporated milk, margarine and almond essence and mix together well until you have a firm dough.
Divide dough in half and fill loaf pans.
Mix 2 tablespoons of sugar and 1 tablespoon of hot water and brush mixture over the loaves.
Bake in center of oven for about 1 hour or until skewer inserted into center comes out clean.
Let cool in the pans before removing and serving.

Prawn Salad

2008-01-07T09:46:00.000-05:00

Ingredients :
1 good-sized mango
300g cooked prawns
Small handful lemon balm leaves
Small bunch coriander
150g Mache (lamb's lettuce), or 1 box cress

Sauce:
1 teaspoon horseradish
1 teaspoon ketchup
4 tablespoon peanut oil
1 tablespoon sherry vinegar

Recipe :
Prepare the prawns, wash and chill for 10 minutes in a marinade made from the ketchup, vinegar, salt and pepper.

Meanwhile, wash and dry salad leaves.
Arrange in a large salad bowl and sprinkle with pepper.
Chop half quantity of each herb and mix with salad, put half to one side.
Peel mango, slice flesh thinly over a plate to catch juice, then arrange on salad. Lightly sprinkle with pepper.
Keep mango juice.
Arrange prawns in salad, keep marinade.

Pour marinade into a bowl with horseradish and ketchup, add mango juice, then season. Stir in rest of vinegar and oil.
Drizzle over salad.
Sprinkle with remaining herbs, serve immediately.

Shrimp on Toasted Crouton

2008-01-03T15:49:00.000-05:00

1 lb of large shrimp cleaned ,veined and tails left on
1/4 of freshly squeezed lemon juice or more to taste
1 stick of unsalted butter
5 large cloves of garlic finely minced
2 tablespoons of parsley finely chopped
1 tablespoon of red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon of freshly ground black pepper
4 slices of french bread cut into 2 inch round crouton

Melt butter in a saute pan
Add lemon juice and garlic
Cook over medium heat until garlic releases its aroma
Add parsley, red and black pepper and whisk
Reduce heat to low and cover

Toast bread rounds until crisp on both sides( 1 crouton for each serving bowl)
Place in serving bowl

Bring sauce to medium high, add shrimp and cook for about 3 minutes until done
Remove pan from heat, place several shrimp on top and around crouton
Generously ladle sauce over each bowl and serve immediately

George's Ceasar Salad

2008-01-03T15:21:00.000-05:00

The perfect accompaniment to Cuban chicken

1 head of romaine, washed, dried and chilled
1 tin of rolled anchovies with capers in oil
1 tablespoons of red wine vinegar
dash of Worcestershire
1 juicy lime squeezed
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon of freshly ground black pepper
3 tablespoons of olive oil infused with minced fresh garlic
this infusion should be prepared a day in advance
5 tablespoons of freshly grated Parmesan cheese
croutons to taste made from day old french bread

Cut french bread into crouton size cubes and saute in olive oil until crisp
remove from pan and immediately sprinkle with 2 tablespoons of Parmesan cheese

Remove chilled romaine from frig and break into bite size pieces in salad bowl

Combine all ingredients except remaining Parmesan in blender (be sure to include
the oil from anchovies) process on blend until well mixed and pour over salad

Toss well , add croutons and remaining Parmesan toss again and serve immediately

Cuban Chicken Skewers and Rice

2008-01-03T12:43:00.000-05:00

Cuban Chicken Skewers
This is a recipe I obtained from an International Dinner party. This was one of the recipes that was served and it was a big hit.

1/2 cup orange juice
3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 large garlic cloves minced
1 teaspoon ground cumin

1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon table salt
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
2 pounds uncooked boneless skinless chicken breast cut into 32 chunks
12 medium jalapeño peppers halved lengthwise
2 servings olive oil cooking spray

Combine juices, oil, garlic, cumin, paprika, salt and oregano in a food storage bag.
Add chicken and peppers then seal bag and turn to coat.
Place bag on a plate on bottom shelf in refrigerator and marinate 8 hours.
Preheat grill and thread chicken and pepper halves onto 8 metal or wooden skewers.
Use 4 pieces chicken and 3 pieces pepper per skewer.
Coat with cooking spray then grill skewers turning often for 8 minutes

Cuban Cuban Rice

1/2 teaspoon olive oil
2 tablespoons chopped seeded green bell pepper
1 tablespoon minced onion
1/4 teaspoon minced garlic
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
1 plum tomato diced small
1/4 cup drained and rinsed canned black beans
1/2 cup cooked brown rice
1 teaspoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

In small skillet heat olive oil over medium heat then add bell pepper and onion.
Cook stirring until vegetables are tender then add garlic and cook 30 seconds longer.
Stir in chili powder and tomato stirring until tomato is softened about 2 minutes.
Stir in remaining ingredients and cook 3 minutes longer.
Rice

Pomegranate Mojito

2008-01-02T12:04:00.000-05:00

2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
12 mint leaves
6 tablespoons white rum
1/4 pomegranate juice
1/8-1/4 fluid ounce of soda water

1. Combine the sugar, lime juice and mint leaves in a tall glass; mash with back of spoon.
2. Mix in the rum and pomegranate juice.
3. Fill glass with ice.
4. Top with splash of water

Oyster's Claudia

2007-12-27T15:51:00.000-05:00

24 freshly shucked oysters

1 slice of sugar cured ham finely diced

1 red pepper finely diced

1 shallot finely diced

1 habanero pepper finely diced

1 cup of heavy cream

1/2 cup grated Parmesan

2 Tablespoon of Oil

Fry ham in oil until crispy and lightly browned then add shallots and peppers and saute until soft. Turn heat to high add cream boil over medium high heat until thickened. Set aside
Place oysters on top of a broiler pan, cover each oyster with a spoonful of cream mixture and dust with grated Parmesan.
Broil for several minutes and serve immediately

Thai Coconut Milk Curry Sauce w/ Shrimp

2007-12-27T12:07:00.000-05:00

For a special meal, combine two seafoods such as salmon and shrimp. An ideal accompaniment to this aromatic dish would be fresh mango or papaya slices squeezed with lime juice.

Ingredients:
1/2 cup shredded sweetened coconut
12 ouces bow tie, gnocchi or shell pasta
1 cup unsweetened coconut milk
2Tbsp fish sauce, oyster sauce or soy sauce
2Tbsp brown sugar
2tsp cornstarch
2/3 cup slivered fresh basil leaves
1/3 cup slivered fresh mint leaves
2 green onions, thinly sliced
2 tsp vegetable oil
2Tbsp minced fresh ginger
1/2-1 tsp Thai red curry paste or Asian chili paste
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
1/2 cup roasted peanuts or diced red bell pepper
2 Tbsp fresh lime juice

Cooking Instructions:
If using the coconut, scatter it in a pie tin or baking pan and bake in a 350 degree oven, stirring often, until golden, 6 to 8 minutes. Pour into a small bowl and set aside.
Bring 4 quarts of water to a boil in a large pan. Stir in the pasta with 1 tspn of salt, if desired. Boil uncovered until tender, about 12 minutes. Drain.
In a small bowl combine the coconut milk, fish sauce, brown sugar and cornstarch; set aside. In another bowl combine the basil, mint and green onion; set aside.

Heat the oil in a wok or large frying pan over high heat. Add the ginger and curry paste and stir until gragrant, about 30 seconds. Add the coconut milk mixture and bring to a boil. Add the shrimp and peanuts and simmer until the shrimp is opaque in the center, about 3 minutes. Set aside 3 tabelspoons of the basil mixture, gently stir the rest into the sauce along with the lime juice. Put the past in a large serving bowl. Pour the seafood and sauce over the pasta and gently toss to coat with the sauce. Sprinkle with the toasted coconut and reserved basil mixture and serve.

Servings per recipe 4-6.

George's Manhattan

2007-12-21T16:51:00.000-05:00

1 Rock's Glass:

A cherry
Coat bottom of glass with cherry juice
Double dash of bitters
3 caps full of sweet vermouth
Fill glass with good ice
Then top off glass with Seagrams VO

Then enjoy the perfect begining to your dining experience. Follow with Oyster's Claudia!

Red Chile Encrusted Wahoo

2007-12-21T12:35:00.000-05:00

10 oz piece of Wahoo

Red chili mix:
1tsp cayenne pepper
1tsp ancho peppers
1tsp chili powder
1tspn paprika

Grind all the spices in a small coffee grinder.

Potato Salad:
3/4lb red bliss potatoes, quartered
3/4 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup sour cream
1 tablespoon heavy cream
1/4 cup Dijon mustard
2 tablespoon whole grain mustard
1/4 cup toasted and crushed macadamia nuts
1 rib celery, diced
1/2 red onion, diced
1 hard boiled egg, chopped
1 tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp ground black pepper

Steam or boil potatoes until just tender. Refrigerate potatoes until cold.Whisk together mayo, heavy cream, sour cream and mustard's in mixing bowl. Then add remaining ingredients and potatoes. Refrigerate.

Mango Malibu relish:
1/2 fresh mango, diced
2 tablespoon confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoon scallions, chopped on bias
1/2 ounce Malibu Rum
1 tablespoon finely diced red bell pepper

Mix all ingredients well. Press Wahoo into chili mixture coating it on one side well. Sear both sides of the Wahoo in a very hot skillet in a well ventilated area. Remove from the skillet and place in a preheated 400 degree oven for 6 to 10 minutes until cooked to medium stage. Then place the redskin potato salad on the middle of the plate, the Wahoo on top of the salad and the relish on top of the Wahoo.

Jamaican Jerk Seasoning

2007-12-17T12:17:00.000-05:00

Ingredients:
1/3 cup Olive Oil
1/3 cup White Vinegar;
1/3 cup Lime Juice
2 Scotch Bonnet Peppers/Harbenaro, cleaned
6 Scallions, white and green parts
2 Cloves Garlic
1/2 cup Dark Brown Sugar
1 Tablespoon Allspice
1/2 Teaspoon Nutmeg
1 Teaspoon cinnamon
1 Tablespoon Dried Thyme
3 Tablespoons Ground Bay Leaf
2 Teaspoons Ground Cumin
1 Teaspoon Celery Seed
1 Teaspoon Turmeric
Salt and Pepper to taste

Method:
Place all ingredients into a food processor and pulse it until smooth. Rub meat thoroughly with the seasoning. For best resluts, marinate overnight.

This seasoning can be used with beef, lamb, goat (my favorite) pork, chicken shell of any firm-fleshed fish and grilled vegetables.

Refrigerate, this sauce will just about keep forever!

Swordfish Au Poivre

2007-12-06T13:56:00.000-05:00

Ingredients
2 lbs Swordfish - Cut into 8oz steaks
4 oz cracked black peppercorns
1 oz olive oil

Method
Evenly coat fish steak with ppercorns. Preheat cast iron skillet over high heat, add olive oil, place fish into skillet and cook evenly. Approx three minutes per side.

Sauce
6 oz heavy cream
4 oz green peppercorns
2 oz olive oil
1 stick salted butter
1 oz brandy
1 med onion chopped
1 clove garlic crushed

Heat olive oil over med/high heat. Add onion and garlic and cook until carmalized. Remove from heat and quickly deglaze pan by adding brandy. When flame dies, return to medium heat, add cream and peppercorns while being careful not to scorch the cream. Add butter and salt to taste and simmer on low for 5 minutes.

Pour sauce onto serving dish, place fish over sauce. Pour remainder of sauce over fish and serve. Balance the spice and richness of this dish with your favorite Sauvignon Blanc or a Kabinett Riesling. Created by Chef Joe Cassico, Joe's Riverside Grill.